24 & The Black Donnellys

OK, so I clearly haven't been watching as much TV as usual, what with moving and all. However, last night I rewarded myself for all that I had accomplished by sitting on my tookas and watching 24 and The Black Donnellys. ***Spoiler warning***

So I was overall not thrilled with 24 last night. First of all, I don't know jack (haha - get it?) about this former vice-president dude who had the president assassinated so he could take over the country but got caught at it and is now living under house arrest in some cushy place in SoCal. (So, what? If I assassinate the president, do I get to live there too? Or is it just politicians who are too good to do any jail time for coldblooded murder and treason?) I knew not having watched the previous 5 seasons was going to be an issue at some point. So... don't know him, don't like him.

Meanwhile, The Weasel (Chad Lowe) and his loyal assassin MacGyver have put together a bomb out of ordinary office supplies, such as yellow highlighters. (Little known fact: evidently when you mix yellow highlighter fluid and pink highlighter fluid, you have a highly flammable substance. And they say TV isn't educational!)

However, Tom Lennox (the creepy sidekick guy from Ghostbusters 2) has proven that all conservatives are not the spawn of Satan by attempting to alert authorities. That didn't work out well for him. The Weasel set the bomb, and detonated it in The Good Muslim's face. The Good Muslim, being a good Muslim, threw himself across the president to try and shield him. He's dead; the president is seriously wounded. (Side note: why oh why couldn't his sister have been there? Now we're going to have to deal with her showing up at the hospital and yelling at the Secret Service. Maybe they'll shoot her. I live in hope.)

However, Tom Lennox has foiled their attempt to blame it on The Good Muslim by ratting them out to the Secret Service. However, he may be in the soup as well, since he let himself be tied up and all.

And, Mr. ex-Vice-President has failed in his attempt to get the Russian consulate dude to tell him where Gredenko is. Figures. So Jack, in a truly bizarre move, breaks into the Russian consulate and takes the Russian consulate dude hostage, using a cigar cutter to amputate excess and unnecessary digits from his hands. (Ewww.) Side note: if you are going to cut off fingers, why not go for fingers that people actually USE? Why do they always cut off the top third of the pinky? I mean, who needs the top third of their pinky? How about your ear-cleaning finger, or your nose-picking finger, or your flipping the bird finger?

Meh. At least we didn't have to deal with Morris whining about how he is less than a man because he armed a nuclear weapon for The Bad Muslim after having only one hole drilled into his body.

Meanwhile, there's a new show on NBC called The Black Donnellys. Now, first things first. The Black Donnellys aren't black. They're Black Irish. Except they're not. The Black Irish are called Black Irish because they are quite swarthy (for white folk). My grandfather definitely qualified, except he wasn't Irish (he was either Cornish or Welsh, depending on who you talk to). Picture Catherine Zeta-Jones. OK. That's the idea of Black Irish. These guys don't qualify. Only one of the four is even a brunet. The other three are blond. However, the name "Black Donnelly" is actually a reference to a historical family, although the show isn't. If that makes any sense at all. OK. I'll 'splain.

Apparently, Canada, during the settlement days, had a few lawbreakers as well. If you think about the Hatfields and McCoys, you've kind of got the picture, except apparently the Black Donnellys fought with everybody. They lived in Ontario, and a bunch of them were murdered in their beds all together one lovely night. If you go to donnellys.com, it has all the info. Quite fascinating, and nothing whatsoever to do with the show. Except that Paul Haggis is Canadian, and apparently thought it made sense. (Which is why Canadians shouldn't have nuclear weapons.)

Anyway, so this is the brainchild of Paul Haggis and Bobby Moresco, who wrote Crash, which I will get around to seeing one of these days. The basic storyline is about 4 brothers (named Donnelly) who are small-time crooks in a rough part of New York. (At least, I think it's supposed to be New York. I guess it could be Boston.) It's sort of like The Sopranos, except that most of the characters are Irish, not Italian. This was episode 2. So far, we have had 3 beatings, 5 or 6 murders, and one gratuitous totty scene with 2 of the brothers stripping to their skivvies, so they didn't get blood on their clothes while they dismembered a corpse.

It's pretty fast-paced, which means it's a great follow for 24, because I'm already in my adrenaline-rush, ohmigosh, gotta pay attention, can't go to the bathroom until the commercial mode. I have to say, all things considered, I am actually rooting for the (anti) heroes quite a little bit. It's not bad TV, and absolutely not boring, and had definite funny moments, albeit dark humor. It kind of keeps you guessing - there are little sleights of hand that are there. All in all, it's enjoyable, although it's not must-see TV.

However, I got to thinking about this. You know, we have all heard about the Italian Mob for decades. The Sopranos is just the latest installment, but it's been a constant theme for a looong time. Recently we have been hearing about the Irish Mob (apparently The Departed was about the Irish Mob. Haven't seen that one either). We also get treated to (especially TV) dramas involving Russians, Chinese, Vietnamese and Japanese mobsters, as well as Columbian drug cartels. And of course here in Detroit we had the Purple Gang, who were Jewish.

All of which got me thinking: Why has there never been a storyline about the Polish Mob?

I demand equal time! We Poles are capable of being excellent mobsters. I want a TV show where everyone gets together and eats golabki while they plot murders! I want a big Polish wedding scene with a polka band, where everyone does The Chicken Dance.

"Leave the gun, take the packzi."