File Under: Smoked Too Many Doobies in the 60s

Many moons ago, when I mentioned to my seester (not The Clam, the other one) that I was going to rent "The Wall" (the Pink Floyd movie), she told me that, unless I was planning on getting stoned first, the movie wouldn't make sense to me. I scoffed at her, but at the same time never rented the movie. Well, now I understand what she was saying. There are things which (apparently) make perfect sense when you're stoned out of your gourd that are beyond those of us in the sober world...

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/18/commentary.plate/index.html

Plate: Let's lay down our right to bear arms

This was the part that really got me:

"Let me explain. Some misguided people will focus on the fact that the 23-year-old student who killed his classmates and others at Virginia Tech was ethnically Korean. This is one of those observations that's 99.99 percent irrelevant. What are we to make of the fact that he is Korean? Ban Ki-moon is also Korean! Our brilliant new United Nations secretary general has not only never fired a gun, it looks like he may have just put together a peace formula for civil war-wracked Sudan -- a formula that escaped his predecessor.

"So let's just disregard all the hoopla about the race of the student responsible for the slayings. These students were not killed by a Korean, they were killed by a 9 mm handgun and a .22-caliber handgun."

I'm sorry - I know I haven't been following the story 24/7 like a good little girl, but who exactly is focusing on the fact that the shooter is Korean? (Except for Koreans themselves, who are apparently mortified that one of their number could do such a thing. I simply found it hugely ironic that, much like SAT scores, Asians even out-performed your average white guy in this horror. Bell Curve, indeed.)

OK. That was tasteless.

But back to my point. What in the hell is this guy talking about? Does anyone have a clue? And does the fact that the new SG of the UN is Korean, and ostensibly a nice person, somehow exempt all Koreans from committing crimes?

I'm not trying to get in the middle of the whole gun control argument. I think it's tacky to discuss this this early - kind of like the people who asked, when I told them my aunt had lung cancer, "Does she smoke?!"

As far as the issue goes, I know where I stand and why, and I'm so over having this debate, because nobody has the slightest intention of even listening to the opposition with an open mind any more. So why should I waste my breath trying to make my point?

Besides which, 2 guns did not wake up one fine morning and decide that they wanted to take down some college kids. That's absurd. And the kids weren't killed by a Korean. They were killed by a mentally disturbed person. That he was born in Korea is beside the point. That Ban-ki-Moon is Korean is beside the point. That he may have come up with a peace plan for Sudan is beside the point (and I'll believe that when I see it).

The guy was sick in the head. He killed them. That's the point. Period.

In the meantime...

As regular readers of this blog know, I love old movies. Back when movie stars had talent, and (for the most part anyway) knew to keep their mouths shut about political crap they knew nothing about. I have no clue how Humphrey Bogart voted, and I don't want to know.

Well, one of my favorite movie stars is Doris Day (Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way. Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day...) She's both a talented comedian and dramatic actress, as well as a great singer and terrific dancer. As well as a genuinely nice person.

Well, in the late 60s, when she was wrapping up her movie career (because she seemed so anachronistic with her cleanliness and perkiness and nice-girl-ness, what with all the free-living, non-bathing, mellowed-out pot-smoking hippies out there), her husband signed her to a contract to do a TV show. (The marriage had problems.) She found out about it, but, since she had made a commitment, however unknowingly, she honored it. (See what I mean about anachronistic?)

It was called The Doris Day Show and the first season was on in 1968 (if I remember my Roman numerals, which I do). The first season didn't do great in the ratings, and if I remember correctly, she worked with the producers to change the show around for the second season, and it was a much bigger success.

However, what I have from Netflix right now is the first disc of the first season, so that's what I'm here to preach on today. She's a widow with 2 kids, who lives with her dad, Denver Pyle (better known as Uncle Jesse to those of us Gen-Xers), her two sons (neither one of whom I recognize, and I can only hope they didn't hold up a 7-11 for drug money), and a housekeeper and farm hand. Oh, and a dog, Lord Nelson.

It's an interesting cultural study, seeing as it was on the air before I was born and all. There's an episode where her sons want to take her out to a fancy dinner for her birthday, with money they earned themselves. (It turns out to be a steakhouse, and they don't have enough money, and ...)

But the episode that really interested me was called "The Friend." It seems that the mothers at the school had a fundraiser for "The Milk Fund" (which is apparently to ensure that all kids at school get a pint of milk a day) and somehow, they don't have the money. Then a friendly local dairyman says he will donate the milk to the school, on one condition: Doris and her kids must pose for his new milk ad. (Get your mind out of the gutter, people! It's all very sweet.) But then his ad man informs them that studies have shown that people want to see ads with a mom and 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. Well, Doris doesn't have any daughters. The ad man wants to get professional models to play the kids, but the dairyman and Doris have a better idea. Have the sons each bring home a friend from school.

Can you see where this is going? Yes, that's right. One of the boys brings home a little black girl, because she's his friend. And the ad man freaks out, and wants Doris to tell the little girl that she can't be in the picture.

We end up at the dairyman's office, with the ad man and Doris having a discussion about it. What I find fascinating about the scene is what wasn't said. There were no big speeches, there was no breast-beating, Doris didn't screech like a hyena (Doris never screeches like a hyena). She's very calm, and very quiet, and at the same time very compelling. And instead of coming up with a non-solution which pleases nobody, she comes up with a solution which pleases everybody.

I was really impressed. When this was playing out, I was thinking to myself, Good grief! I can't believe this! I have done my level best to ignore the whole Imus/Duke fracas over the last few days, and now this? But it was really fascinating. And you must keep in mind this is 1968, so I'm thinking after MLK and Malcolm X were killed, etc.

And, as she always does, Doris shows the way to behave that is classy and dignified and yet still able to get her point across. Why do I have a recurring fantasy of a Clockwork Orange-esque scene with Rosie O'Donnell tied to a chair, forced to watch Doris until she learns how to behave with a modicum of dignity?