I Hate 24 with a Passion

OK. I stuck it out through the entire season. Sure, I gave up for a couple of weeks there, when, after every episode I was irritated beyond words at the sheer stupidity of what I saw. But then The Canuck pulled me back into the 24 spiral of insanity. (Semi-Godfather reference.)

So tonight was the "2 hour season finale" of this season. I'm not going to put spoilers in here...mostly.

However, I read an article last week that said basically that the producers knew this season sucked and that they were going to fix things for next season. They were going to take the show out of LA, and it was going to be Jack Bauer and a whole new cast of characters. Perhaps some old fave actors would show up, as new characters, but basically, a whole new cast. So that pretty much tells me that, say, if we don't know now whether Ex-President Logan is alive or dead, we won't know later.

Guess what?

We don't know.

We also don't know who The Mole is (I still think Milo, and the appearance of his creepy brother doesn't help his case). We still don't know whether President Wayne is going to make it. We don't know about his annoying sister's reasonably cool boyfriend (remember him? The Muslim who got the stuffing kicked out of him at Camp Bombalot?) We don't know how Mike Doyle is. (I'm not sure we care, but still...) We don't know whether Josh's dad is Jack or the granddad. (The only thing we're reasonably sure of is that Josh's dad isn't his dad, if you know what I mean.)

That's really freaking annoying. I mean, I GET cliffhangers. I get Jack walking off into the sunset and not sure where he's going to land. But if they are not going to continue the other characters, the least they can do is clean up the messes.

I am SOOOO not happy right now.

The Moralities of House, MD

While I'm in a TV kind of mood, I wanted to draw your attention to a blog I read regularly, American Papist. Besides the fact that Thomas is a local boy (also from Detroit), he's really S-M-R-T.

http://www.americanpapist.com/blog.html

Anyway, back to my point. Thomas has started a semi-regular feature on his blog, called The Moralities of House. Apparently I can't link directly to the correct posts, but he uses labels, and "House" is one of them...

He's done 3 so far:
The Moralities of House (3x21, "Family")
The Moralities of House (3x20, "House Training")
The Moralities of House (3x19, "Act Your Age")

Check them out. He's much much more cognizent of the ins and outs of moral dilemmas on the show than I am, and I find his comments pretty spot on.

And again, Hugh Laurie is AWESOME! If I'm completely honest, this is one show I try never to miss.

Thomas catches some of the funnier quips from the show, like: "Loss of free will. I like it. Maybe we can get Thomas Aquinas in for a consult."

Of course, I also very much enjoyed when he went shopping for a new cane with Wilson. (Not at a medical supply company. At some sort of goth shop.) The first cane the salesdude showed him was black, with a silver skull for a handle. House says, "No...too Marilyn Manson in a rest home." The second one was (I think) a bull penis stretched over the cane. House's response? "Bull penises are murder." (ie "fur is murder"). What does he end up with? A black cane with flames on the bottom, "because it looks like I'm going really fast!"

Too funny! Long may he reign!

Last Night's 24 (Spoiler Alert!)

Random thoughts from last night's 24:

1. When Morris and Potato Face were having their latest awkwardness, and Milo asks "What's going on?" and WON'T DROP IT UNTIL THEY TALK ABOUT IT, I had a weird flashback to 10th grade. Come on! National crisis, national crisis, NATIONAL CRISIS!!! (Side note: I know Chloe is a very popular character, but I really don't see why. Really.)

2. Milo's whole cornering Nadia and saying how hurt he is because he thinks he senses feelings between Nadia and Mike Doyle was really weird and stalky. Seriously. He kissed her like 2 hours ago, and suddenly he's all wounded feelings about Nadia and Doyle? WHAT?

3. But all that gets dealt with nicely, when the Chinese bad guys bust into CTU, and shoot Milo through the head. (Hurray!) Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure he's dead. I don't think you walk away from something like that. No more Mr. Stalky! Can you tell I'm not crushed? Actually, they could have taken out Potato Face too. I actually prefer jerky Morris to her. At least he's semi-fun to watch, when he's not whining and feeling sorry for himself. She's just awful.

4. I still think Milo is the mole, though. I mean, since we now know that James Cromwell (Jack's dad) is behind the busting into CTU, and we know how very sentimental he is (not), it would be an obvious move for him have the mole shot.

5. You know, at the beginning of the episode, when Nadia and the guards are talking to Jack after he got locked up again, I was thinking, Gosh, company Christmas parties must be really really awkward at that place, since isn't that the guard that Jack just beat up in the last episode? I mean, how do you put something like that behind you? Then he got shot by the Chinese, and I realized, Jack never has to say he's sorry. Everyone around him ends up dead.

6. Once again, Tom Lennox kicked heiny. The scene where blondie is freaking out because she's scared to try and get info off her russkie-loving boytoy, and he basically says, "Suck it up. You got yourself into this, and I don't feel sorry for you at all" was AWESOME! (Side note: the chick that plays her goes on my list of chicks who need to eat a sandwich, stat. The scene where we see her nude back was creepy. I haven't seen bones that prominent outside of sub-saharan Africa. She makes Callista Flockhart look pudgy. Ick.)

7. Have I mentioned that it rocks that James Cromwell is back?!?!

I guess 2 more episodes left... Can I make out a wish list of characters for them to kill?

Also, an open letter to the 24 folks: I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THE DRAMA OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. IF I WANTED THAT, I WOULD WATCH GREY'S ANATOMY. OR DAYS OF OUR LIVES. GIVE ME ACTION, WITH AS LITTLE PERSONAL CRAP AS POSSIBLE. IN FACT, I THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS "LAW & ORDER" REMAINED SO POPULAR FOR SO LONG. THE PERSONAL STUFF IS RARE. AND IT'S ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS FOR YOU TO EXPECT US TO BUY THE CHLOE AND MORRIS SHOW DURING A NATIONAL CRISIS. SERIOUSLY. CUT IT OUT. THANK YOU.

Last Night's 24

So The Canuck convinced me that I may have just given up on 24 a teeny-weeny bit prematurely, so I tuned back in last week, and again last night.

The show is an After School Special for Why You Don't Fish From The Company Dock.

Exhibit 1: The ongoing drama of Potato Face and Morris (and sometimes Milo). I'm not even certain whether Potato Face and Morris are actually still married, or an example of those seriously delusional "it didn't work the first time we were married, but what the hell, let's try dating anyway!" people. Anyway, at the beginning of the season Chloe and Milo had gone on like 1 date (girls: Milo was being awfully stalky for a 1 date guy, don't you think?) and she was back with Morris...blah blah blah...like sands through the hourglass... Fast forward to now, when they get into a snippy little fight, Chloe says something truly awful, Morris tells her it's over FOR REAL THIS TIME JACKIE BURKHART, and Chloe crys. It takes Nadia, the Muslim who went from being the suspected mole to in charge of CTU on the same day, to tell them to grow up, quit mixing business with pleasure, and focus on the fact that HELLO! They are in the middle of a national crisis! IDIOTS!

Exhibit 2: Then you have the reason Nadia the mole/nonmole is in charge of CTU. The director, Bill Buchanan, got fired. BY HIS WIFE. Who happens to be the National Security Advisor. If you don't think that will affect their marriage, you are more naive that I thought!

Exhibit 3: VP Daniels (Who's Acting President, what with Whiny Wayne in the hospital again), who is apparently a widower, has been... ahem... boinking his secretary, the blonde gal whose name I can never remember. Well, buddy, guess what? She's got a dishy dude on the side, who just happens to be feeding info to the Russians! (oopsie!) And he has to get advice on how to handle this from Tom Lennox. Pretty emasculating.

Exhibit 4: I'm not sure how Jack met Audrey. I'm not sure the background of that whole thing. I just know he was willing to risk an awful lot of people's lives to get her back. And I take that a little personally.

So you see boys and girls, if you work for a large corporation and want to date someone who is not in your own particular division, who you see on the elevator, in the lunch room, at company picnics, that's groovy, baby.

If you are trying to save the world from the scourge of terrorism and nuke-lear weapons, and that person sits at the next terminal or that person is your boss, DON'T GO FOR IT. You will regret it.

Other random musings:

1. I am really liking Tom Lennox.
2. I finally figured it out - Chloe reminds me of Renee Zellweger. She's got the exact same could burst into tears at any moment look on her face. Eewww.
3. I actually really like Nadia too. Throughout the whole season, she has been relatively sane, intelligent, and not getting all wigged out about stuff. Plus she seems to have recovered from the trauma of being roughed up by Ricky Schroder pretty well. As the new leader, she has been decisive and fair. Sure, she was a little wishy-washy last night, but come on: she's like 21, she's been put in charge during a national crisis! All in all, I think she's handling it well. It will suck if she turns out to be the mole. But I don't think she is. I'm still kind of thinking it's Milo.

In the meantime...

As regular readers of this blog know, I love old movies. Back when movie stars had talent, and (for the most part anyway) knew to keep their mouths shut about political crap they knew nothing about. I have no clue how Humphrey Bogart voted, and I don't want to know.

Well, one of my favorite movie stars is Doris Day (Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way. Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day...) She's both a talented comedian and dramatic actress, as well as a great singer and terrific dancer. As well as a genuinely nice person.

Well, in the late 60s, when she was wrapping up her movie career (because she seemed so anachronistic with her cleanliness and perkiness and nice-girl-ness, what with all the free-living, non-bathing, mellowed-out pot-smoking hippies out there), her husband signed her to a contract to do a TV show. (The marriage had problems.) She found out about it, but, since she had made a commitment, however unknowingly, she honored it. (See what I mean about anachronistic?)

It was called The Doris Day Show and the first season was on in 1968 (if I remember my Roman numerals, which I do). The first season didn't do great in the ratings, and if I remember correctly, she worked with the producers to change the show around for the second season, and it was a much bigger success.

However, what I have from Netflix right now is the first disc of the first season, so that's what I'm here to preach on today. She's a widow with 2 kids, who lives with her dad, Denver Pyle (better known as Uncle Jesse to those of us Gen-Xers), her two sons (neither one of whom I recognize, and I can only hope they didn't hold up a 7-11 for drug money), and a housekeeper and farm hand. Oh, and a dog, Lord Nelson.

It's an interesting cultural study, seeing as it was on the air before I was born and all. There's an episode where her sons want to take her out to a fancy dinner for her birthday, with money they earned themselves. (It turns out to be a steakhouse, and they don't have enough money, and ...)

But the episode that really interested me was called "The Friend." It seems that the mothers at the school had a fundraiser for "The Milk Fund" (which is apparently to ensure that all kids at school get a pint of milk a day) and somehow, they don't have the money. Then a friendly local dairyman says he will donate the milk to the school, on one condition: Doris and her kids must pose for his new milk ad. (Get your mind out of the gutter, people! It's all very sweet.) But then his ad man informs them that studies have shown that people want to see ads with a mom and 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. Well, Doris doesn't have any daughters. The ad man wants to get professional models to play the kids, but the dairyman and Doris have a better idea. Have the sons each bring home a friend from school.

Can you see where this is going? Yes, that's right. One of the boys brings home a little black girl, because she's his friend. And the ad man freaks out, and wants Doris to tell the little girl that she can't be in the picture.

We end up at the dairyman's office, with the ad man and Doris having a discussion about it. What I find fascinating about the scene is what wasn't said. There were no big speeches, there was no breast-beating, Doris didn't screech like a hyena (Doris never screeches like a hyena). She's very calm, and very quiet, and at the same time very compelling. And instead of coming up with a non-solution which pleases nobody, she comes up with a solution which pleases everybody.

I was really impressed. When this was playing out, I was thinking to myself, Good grief! I can't believe this! I have done my level best to ignore the whole Imus/Duke fracas over the last few days, and now this? But it was really fascinating. And you must keep in mind this is 1968, so I'm thinking after MLK and Malcolm X were killed, etc.

And, as she always does, Doris shows the way to behave that is classy and dignified and yet still able to get her point across. Why do I have a recurring fantasy of a Clockwork Orange-esque scene with Rosie O'Donnell tied to a chair, forced to watch Doris until she learns how to behave with a modicum of dignity?

Update on 24

Well, it was brief but glorious. I have already lost interest in the show everyone assures me is the best show ever.

I haven't even seen in for the last 2 or 3 weeks. It isn't even that I haven't been home. (I mean, it's 9 pm on Monday night - where am I going to be? I'm mature enough now (read: old and boring) to realize that if I don't get to bed by a reasonable time early in the week, I'm toast by Friday.) I just don't care about the show. I do kind of feel like a heretic, but I will not eat green eggs and ham...

I heard somewhere that the Black Donnellys was cancelled, but I don't know that's true. Needless to say, my interest in that show peaked the first night and went downhill from there.

And CBC has sent Coronation Street to the Sunday 7:30 am ghetto until hockey playoffs are over. Now THAT bothers me.

It's a funny thing about TV. I like TV. Well, let me qualify that. I am not the sort of person who sniffs, "I NEVER watch television. (I'm too busy reading Kafka, or Ayn Rand or whatever.)" But most of the shows that are on don't thrill me. I've already said that I don't like reality TV. I try to never watch the news, not the least of which because most the brains of most "news commentators" these days can barely support the weight of their hair.

But the shows I like, I really like. I especially like comedies, although it seems that the only funny comedies on television these days are cartoons. And I enjoy a good mystery. (But CSI doesn't particularly appeal to me. The writers of that show only seem interested in showing the rest of the nation that Calipornia and New York aren't the only depraved places in the USA. Good to know, and yet another reason my tourism money won't be going to Vegas anytime this century.)

I really enjoy Law & Order (especially the Jerry Orbach episodes) but usually turn off the show halfway through, because watching the weasely lawyers trying to get their clients off gets my goat.

But I don't generally make it a point to sit down and watch a show every week. You know, how people used to say "OK. It's Wednesday at 8:30. Ozzy and Harriet is on." (Or whatever.) So actually making an effort to sit down and watch 24 proved too much for me. I think I'm going to follow the advice of a guy I was talking to on the bus. (No, it didn't involve a tin foil helmet - this was a suburban bus!) He said he never watches 24 during the season. He rents the old season from Netflix. That way he doesn't have to deal with commericals, waiting between episodes etc. Plus it seems like less of a demand on his time.

I think I'll try that. And if The Canuck is to be believed, last season (5) is the one to start with.

My Virgin Voyage with the String Bags

So my string bags came Monday. Yesterday I needed to go to the grocery store, and decided that this would be a perfect time to test them out. I planned ahead, and brought them in my work bag with me. It was a good test, because I needed to get some heavy stuff: OJ, baby carrots, bananas and beef broth, as well as eggs, which are delicate.

First of all, the weather was not cooperating, because yesterday was cold and rainy. I got off the bus at my stop, and walked over to the Krogers. I used their cute little plastic basket to gather my things. Here’s what I bought:

Bananas, mushrooms, 1 lb. baby carrots, goat cheese, bread, 1 qt. beef broth (in a box, not a can), ½ gallon OJ, 1 dozen eggs and 1 gallon milk (it was on sale). I went up to a register (I didn’t self check out because I had old bananas, which I thought might be cheaper. They weren’t. Since when do they not give you a break on old bananas?)

I whipped out my bags and prepared to load, when (surprise, surprise) a bag boy came to pack my stuff. These days it’s a toss-up whether you will have to pack your own groceries. I handed him my bags, and he said (are you ready for this?)

“Uhhh, you want to use these bags? They seem like they are going to rip.”

ARGH! As someone who spent my hard-earned money on these string bags after numerous horrible experiences with Krogers cheap-youknowwhat bags, this really cheesed me off. I have chased oranges down the driveway, had apples so badly bruised that they were terminal, had to pick up numerous things that fell out of the bags, etc. I was furious and yet enjoying the irony at the same time.

I looked at him, and seriously pondered going off on how Kroger has progressively made their bags thinner, to the point where they now rip if you look at them cross-eyed. But then I thought, he’s like 16. He doesn’t care, and he has less than zero control of how Kroger Corporation makes policy decisions. So I didn’t let him have it. (Pause while I adjust my halo.)

I instead explained (politely) that they have been using these bags in Europe for years, and that they are guaranteed to hold 40 lbs. each. He said OK, and he, the cashier and I actually got into a brief discussion about the recent rulings in SanFran and Portland regarding plastic bags. (Which, of course, has nothing to do with my string bags, but it seemed more polite than, “Your bags are crap, CRAP I say!”)

I left the store with the long-handled bag over my shoulder, the short-handled bag in my right hand, and the gallon of milk in my left hand. It was still raining. Cold rain. But I gritted my teeth and went for it. If Hetty Wainthropp*** can do it at 60, then I certainly can do it at 30-and change.

I made it home, damp but triumphant, with all eggs intact, and the bread not squished. All in all, I think the bags work, and do what they are supposed to do. Hurray! I’m not relishing having to have a conversation with every cashier and bag boy at Krogers about how the bags ARE secure, but overall I would call this a success.

***Hetty Wainthropp is a character on a British detective series of the same name, starring Patricia Routledge as the title character. (Most Americans know Ms. Routledge as Hyacinth Bucket, pronounced bou-quet. As funny as she is in Keeping Up Appearances, I prefer her as the down-to-earth, no-nonsense Hetty Wainthropp.) The series is enjoyable and well worth checking out. Netflix has it. I'm just saying.

Other Favorite Mr. Burns Quotes

Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun.

Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.

I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.

What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?

I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.

Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!

Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers.... Layabouts.... Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.

We must crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya.... In that I mean, it's time for the worker of the week award.

Hmmm. . . eternal happiness for one dollar? I'd rather keep the dollar.

Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a "New" Mexico?


And a couple of random funnies:

Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder, really, what IS that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

And one by Kent Brockman: Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

AND, here's a Forbes "profile" of Mr. Burns, which is pretty funny: http://www.forbes.com/2005/12/06/montomery-burns-wealt_cx_de_05fict15_1206burnsprofile.html

Last Night's "House" and Bad Advice

So last night's dual storyline was dumb on a couple of levels. First, the team was split up. House and Cuddy were flying back from a medical symposium in Asia (I kind of zoned out there, as I tend to do when Cuddy talks, but I think it was a WHO symposium on pandemics. OK, 1) Isn't the WHO (not the band, the World Health Organization) part of the UN? If so, then why wasn't the symposium in either New York or Brussels? 2) I get it - Bird Flu, Asia, pandemic conference. But since the furthest west the Bird Flu has come is Turkey (hahaha) again, WHY? You are going to have a symposium of the smartest medical minds in the world smack dab in the one part of the world where the pandemic hangs out? Are you challenging the disease to a smackdown? Do diseases enjoy irony?)

Anyway, I think it was just part of building up the "why House and Cuddy are on an airplane heading back from Asia" thing. Sometimes I over think these things instead of going with the flow.

The other storyline had to do with the remnants of the team: The Three Stooges and Wilson. Their patient is a 60ish woman (who I swear was Ellen Travolta) who collapses at her home. Now, the person who called it in was apparently a lesbian prostitute that Ellen had hired. As they are trying to figure out what is wrong with her, she confesses that she went to Caracas recently (a crisis having to do with turning the same age her mother was when she died) where she not only drank the water and ate salad, she got a tattoo, got drunk, snorted cocaine off a gay man's stomach and did the nasty with El Gordo. She explains that she never does stuff like this and it was stupid. Dr Wilson leaves, looking a little shell-shocked, and she says to the hooker, "It's my fault I'm sick, isn't it? I can't believe I was so stupid."

And the hooker says, "No, it's not your fault."

OK. First of all, if I were you, I wouldn't take advice about whether behaviors have consequences from a prostitute. She's not the best person to ask.

Second of all, it could be the reason. (Turns out it wasn't, but still.) You don't have to do stupid things constantly for 60 years in order for the consequences to bite you. Sure, sometimes you dodge the bullets. But other people are actually unlucky enough to get pregnant the first time, or get a disease. Or, like me, get mugged the one time they get gas after dark.

To my mind, the "don't feel bad because you're sick, even though you just acted like a drunken sailor. It's not your fault" concept is really irresponsible. Bad things do happen to good people. And bad people. And indifferent people. But your choices can make a difference.

All in all, last night's episode was a let down, especially after last week's really thoughtful episode.

I Hate THE MAN

I Hate THE MAN - Originally posted April 3

So I have been looking forward (with bated breath!) to the release on DVD (FINALLY) of the awesomely amazing TV show WKRP in Cincinnati. This show was so funny, I cannot even begin to describe it. At least, it was funny in my memory. You know what I mean? There are some things which you watch, and then years later watch again, and you think, "Huh. What the hell was I thinking? This isn't funny!" (Case in point: Laverne and Shirley.) WKRP is tricky, because it has not appeared in syndication. So it's basically not seen the light of day since it went off the air in the early 80s (82?). However, in my memory, it is hilarious.

Well, recently the reason why it hasn't been syndicated came to light, confirming the suspicions of all us conspiracy theorists out there: THE MAN (the music industry) wouldn't release it because of contract issues with the various music that was played on the show. Thus proving what everyone of my generation had suspected forever: it's not about rebelling, The Revolution or general coolness; it's about making money. Which I normally don't have a problem with, except when it affects something like this. Honestly, what is the big deal here? And, if I'm honest, I have a problem with the fact that they try to play it off like it IS about rebelling. Liars. And, if we're talking about the musicians themselves and not the record companies, THAT GOES DOUBLE! Repent, you snakes and hypocrites!

Then, we heard that finally, WKRP was going to be released from TV show purgatory, and released on DVD. HURRAY! The Canuck wowed and impressed me by saying he was buying Season 1 as soon as it came out, and we made plans to have a WKRP festival (I was even going to make Cincinnati 5-Way Chili). You must understand that The Canuck is younger than me, but older than The Clam, so he has many pop culture references which Clam misses. So we were going to introduce The Clam to Dr. Johnny Fever, Venus Flytrap, Herb Tarlek, Les Nessman and flying turkeys. (She was more interested in Sesame Street in the early 80s.)Now I find out that The Canuck ISN'T going to buy Season 1. Why? Because those losers in the music industry couldn't get past filthy lucre long enough to just release the darn show. No, they SUBSTITUTED other songs for many of the songs that were used in the show, and often in ways that compromised the jokes.

What a bunch of tools.

I Guess I'm Not the Only One

I Guess I'm Not The Only One - Originally posted April 2

Who was ever-so-amused by the "autistic guy to the rescue" theme from last week's 24. Here's Television Without Pity's take on it:

"The call rings through to the cell phone of a white guy making a depressing little scrambled-egg dinner in a depressing little kitchen, while another man sits and waits at the kitchen table. The guy with the phone, a Mark Hauser, isn't happy to be talking to Gredenko. It seems that he sold Gredenko some kind of access to his employer's something or other, but now it's not working any more, so Gredenko needs fresh protocols. With a guilty look at the guy he's making dinner for, Mark puts up a weak protest. But he quickly caves and says it's going to take a half-hour or more. Gredenko says that he'll be there in forty minutes, and hangs up. Mark returns to the kitchen, where the man sitting at the table announces, "I hongry." Oh, I see how it is. This makes me very, very worried. Mark scoops dinner out of the skillet onto his brother's plate, and his brother complains that it contains red peppers. "I don't eat red food," he Rain Mans. As stressed out as he must be right now, Mark swallows his temper and agrees to take the peppers out. "You take care of me, Mark. You always take care of me," his brother Lennys. For a developmentally disabled character, he certainly is astute about how quickly the show needs him to set up the dynamic between the two brothers. While Mark's de-peppering dinner, he asks his brother Brady to get on the computer and get some files from his office mainframe. Brady gets up and goes to the laptop without asking what files, but that's why you have an autistic-savant brother in the first place, so you don't have to worry about the details. Mark stands and watches him. Doesn't he have some peppers to fish out? "

Here's the whole thing if you're interested: http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/articles/content/a12937/

Last Night's 24 Suckfest

Last Nights 24 Suckfest - Originally posted April 3

I'm sorry - I feel like a bit of a heretic, but after listening to people have totally organic experiences*** for the last several years about how 24 is the best show EVER, and how they are working to bring Lucy, Jackie Gleason and Uncle Miltie back from the dead just so they could kiss Kiefer Sutherland's feet, I'm really not feeling the love for 24 that I expected to.

Last night possibly topped last week's episode as the most completely stupid ever. Although there were no autistic people being used as bait this week...First of all, we STILL have no clue about the fate of Mr. Usurped the Presidency Logan, or his wacky wife. Then we have President Palmer Junior, who was nearly blown up in a bomb attempt a few hours ago, who has been de-comafied by his doctors so he can show the VP that he IS competent to run the country (competent only in the sense that he's lucid, not competent in the sense that he has ever had a clue what he's doing). To which the VP says, No you're not either. So it comes down to a vote of the Cabinet, which is (of course) a TIE. Then the Veep says, Well, Karen's vote doesn't count, because she resigned! So I win! Neener-neener Boo-boo! To which Karen gets all huffy and whiny. Aside: Sorry, Chickie. You did resign, because Tom Lennox was being a big meanie to you. Guess what? You had a Cartman moment (Screw you guys, I'm going home!) and shuffled off to the airport to fly home to LA and the arms of your hubby. You don't get to take that back like that. You even resigned without notice, during a major national crisis. I can't think of any employer I've ever had who would have reacted to that with, "That's OK! Get back over here, you big palooka!"However (and I'm really embarrassed to even admit this, but 12th grade Government class was just a few...eons ago, so oh well) is this even the correct policy when something like this comes up? I'm trying to think if this ever HAS come up - maybe President Wilson, when he had that stroke? And even if that's the case, is the National Security Adviser a member of the Cabinet? The Secretary of Defense is, sure. I guess it doesn't matter, since in 24merica, this is how it works. Anyway...in a storyline that really really took too long, the President wins and is declared competent. (Never mind that he keeps making funny faces like he's in terrible pain, or perhaps is very constipated. That wouldn't be a warning sign would it?)

All this, only to prove that perhaps it WAS a little too soon for him to take the reins back from the Veep, because - he launches a nuclear strike against Islamia (they steadfastly refuse to name Fayed's country, so I just did)!!! Again, can he DO that? Can the President order a nuclear strike? Doesn't he have to get congressional approval or something? 12th grade is a bit of a blur (no, I wasn't stoned, just disinterested) but the phrase "checks and balances" keeps popping into my head.

Next we have Nadia (the Mole/not the Mole) back at work. She gets a phone call from Ricky Schroder, telling her to come to his office, and not to tell anyone where she's going. Um..OK. Sure. I mean, you tied me up and throttled me last week, why wouldn't I go into an office alone with you without telling anyone where I'm going? Once there, he says that perhaps they got off on the wrong foot. (nooooo.) BUT, here's the thing - he knows who the Mole is: Milo. (Which I predicted a couple of weeks ago). Blah blah blah, security perimeters... I can't understand the geekspeak, but the way it's said makes me suspect Nadia again, since we all know she's been using Milo's security code. Meh. It's one of the two of them. I want it to be Milo, because for it to be Nadia would be SOOOO predictible. Plus I really truly can't stand Milo's pornostache. I just want to have Ricky tie him up so I can shave it off. With a dull razor.

Then, we have, once again, miracle medicine. First the President recovers from his TBI like that (snaps fingers), and now, we have the incredible walking amputee! So Jack has Gredenko, and is going to use him to set a trap for Fayed. They set him up with an audio bug (which looks like it's from the I Spy era) and then - coolness! - insert a different bug (tracking device thingie) into the skin of his forearm, which has radioactive isotopes in it ("Topes rule! Wooo!") that "have a half-life of 11 hours." Thanks for the info, Dr. Science. Now can you tell me why you're injecting the bug into his forearm, instead of his torso, or the one extremity no man is ever going to cut off willingly (except for those Hale-Bopp guys)?

So, naturally, Gredenko gets to Fayed, says "Shhh" while he shows them the audio bug, which they destroy, and then, in a move that even John Wayne couldn't pull off, sits silently while they hack off his forearm with an ax! Come ON! No flipping way! You are not got to have your forearm chopped off without crying out. (With an ax that just happens to be in Building J at the Santa Monica Pier.) Then, because the completely useless radioactive isotopes are sitting on the floor in a pool of blood, the bad guys are able to make their getaway. Once again, I'm not a doctor, but wouldn't the pain of having your forearm chopped off render you unconscious? Seriously. Your body has overrides when things get too painful. Of course, later he collapses under the dock as the tide comes in, and all I can think is: where's Jaws when you really need him? I mean, all that blood ought to bring out at least one shark, right?

There were really only 2 cool moments last night:

1. When Fayed and Gredenko are running away (Gredenko clutching his bloody stump) and they run through a bar - Gredenko yells out that Fayed is the terrorist everyone is looking for, and the bar patrons surround him and kick the crap out of them. Then Jack shows up and makes them stop. Then he kicks Fayed in the head. Hurray!

2. Tom Lennox (the Ghostbusters 2 guy) saves the day, AGAIN, by bugging the Veep's office, so he is able to tape the slutty secretary offering to perjure herself for the Veep. (Then again, I'd "perjure" myself for him too - he's the only studly guy in Washington, it appears.) Bet Tom ate his Wheaties this morning, because he a just been a superhero!

***Totally Organic Experience was a horrifically skanky ad campaign for Clairol shampoo a few years ago. (Isn't that just a clever play on words?! Yes, if you're in 7th grade!) It was nauseating to watch, and (although I'm sure Clairol could care less) it cost Clairol a third generation customer, because I refused to buy the product anymore. And I still haven't gone back, even though the ad campaign is, thankfully, over.