In the meantime...

As regular readers of this blog know, I love old movies. Back when movie stars had talent, and (for the most part anyway) knew to keep their mouths shut about political crap they knew nothing about. I have no clue how Humphrey Bogart voted, and I don't want to know.

Well, one of my favorite movie stars is Doris Day (Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day. I was not brought up that way. Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost his heart to Doris Day...) She's both a talented comedian and dramatic actress, as well as a great singer and terrific dancer. As well as a genuinely nice person.

Well, in the late 60s, when she was wrapping up her movie career (because she seemed so anachronistic with her cleanliness and perkiness and nice-girl-ness, what with all the free-living, non-bathing, mellowed-out pot-smoking hippies out there), her husband signed her to a contract to do a TV show. (The marriage had problems.) She found out about it, but, since she had made a commitment, however unknowingly, she honored it. (See what I mean about anachronistic?)

It was called The Doris Day Show and the first season was on in 1968 (if I remember my Roman numerals, which I do). The first season didn't do great in the ratings, and if I remember correctly, she worked with the producers to change the show around for the second season, and it was a much bigger success.

However, what I have from Netflix right now is the first disc of the first season, so that's what I'm here to preach on today. She's a widow with 2 kids, who lives with her dad, Denver Pyle (better known as Uncle Jesse to those of us Gen-Xers), her two sons (neither one of whom I recognize, and I can only hope they didn't hold up a 7-11 for drug money), and a housekeeper and farm hand. Oh, and a dog, Lord Nelson.

It's an interesting cultural study, seeing as it was on the air before I was born and all. There's an episode where her sons want to take her out to a fancy dinner for her birthday, with money they earned themselves. (It turns out to be a steakhouse, and they don't have enough money, and ...)

But the episode that really interested me was called "The Friend." It seems that the mothers at the school had a fundraiser for "The Milk Fund" (which is apparently to ensure that all kids at school get a pint of milk a day) and somehow, they don't have the money. Then a friendly local dairyman says he will donate the milk to the school, on one condition: Doris and her kids must pose for his new milk ad. (Get your mind out of the gutter, people! It's all very sweet.) But then his ad man informs them that studies have shown that people want to see ads with a mom and 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. Well, Doris doesn't have any daughters. The ad man wants to get professional models to play the kids, but the dairyman and Doris have a better idea. Have the sons each bring home a friend from school.

Can you see where this is going? Yes, that's right. One of the boys brings home a little black girl, because she's his friend. And the ad man freaks out, and wants Doris to tell the little girl that she can't be in the picture.

We end up at the dairyman's office, with the ad man and Doris having a discussion about it. What I find fascinating about the scene is what wasn't said. There were no big speeches, there was no breast-beating, Doris didn't screech like a hyena (Doris never screeches like a hyena). She's very calm, and very quiet, and at the same time very compelling. And instead of coming up with a non-solution which pleases nobody, she comes up with a solution which pleases everybody.

I was really impressed. When this was playing out, I was thinking to myself, Good grief! I can't believe this! I have done my level best to ignore the whole Imus/Duke fracas over the last few days, and now this? But it was really fascinating. And you must keep in mind this is 1968, so I'm thinking after MLK and Malcolm X were killed, etc.

And, as she always does, Doris shows the way to behave that is classy and dignified and yet still able to get her point across. Why do I have a recurring fantasy of a Clockwork Orange-esque scene with Rosie O'Donnell tied to a chair, forced to watch Doris until she learns how to behave with a modicum of dignity?

Update on 24

Well, it was brief but glorious. I have already lost interest in the show everyone assures me is the best show ever.

I haven't even seen in for the last 2 or 3 weeks. It isn't even that I haven't been home. (I mean, it's 9 pm on Monday night - where am I going to be? I'm mature enough now (read: old and boring) to realize that if I don't get to bed by a reasonable time early in the week, I'm toast by Friday.) I just don't care about the show. I do kind of feel like a heretic, but I will not eat green eggs and ham...

I heard somewhere that the Black Donnellys was cancelled, but I don't know that's true. Needless to say, my interest in that show peaked the first night and went downhill from there.

And CBC has sent Coronation Street to the Sunday 7:30 am ghetto until hockey playoffs are over. Now THAT bothers me.

It's a funny thing about TV. I like TV. Well, let me qualify that. I am not the sort of person who sniffs, "I NEVER watch television. (I'm too busy reading Kafka, or Ayn Rand or whatever.)" But most of the shows that are on don't thrill me. I've already said that I don't like reality TV. I try to never watch the news, not the least of which because most the brains of most "news commentators" these days can barely support the weight of their hair.

But the shows I like, I really like. I especially like comedies, although it seems that the only funny comedies on television these days are cartoons. And I enjoy a good mystery. (But CSI doesn't particularly appeal to me. The writers of that show only seem interested in showing the rest of the nation that Calipornia and New York aren't the only depraved places in the USA. Good to know, and yet another reason my tourism money won't be going to Vegas anytime this century.)

I really enjoy Law & Order (especially the Jerry Orbach episodes) but usually turn off the show halfway through, because watching the weasely lawyers trying to get their clients off gets my goat.

But I don't generally make it a point to sit down and watch a show every week. You know, how people used to say "OK. It's Wednesday at 8:30. Ozzy and Harriet is on." (Or whatever.) So actually making an effort to sit down and watch 24 proved too much for me. I think I'm going to follow the advice of a guy I was talking to on the bus. (No, it didn't involve a tin foil helmet - this was a suburban bus!) He said he never watches 24 during the season. He rents the old season from Netflix. That way he doesn't have to deal with commericals, waiting between episodes etc. Plus it seems like less of a demand on his time.

I think I'll try that. And if The Canuck is to be believed, last season (5) is the one to start with.

My Virgin Voyage with the String Bags

So my string bags came Monday. Yesterday I needed to go to the grocery store, and decided that this would be a perfect time to test them out. I planned ahead, and brought them in my work bag with me. It was a good test, because I needed to get some heavy stuff: OJ, baby carrots, bananas and beef broth, as well as eggs, which are delicate.

First of all, the weather was not cooperating, because yesterday was cold and rainy. I got off the bus at my stop, and walked over to the Krogers. I used their cute little plastic basket to gather my things. Here’s what I bought:

Bananas, mushrooms, 1 lb. baby carrots, goat cheese, bread, 1 qt. beef broth (in a box, not a can), ½ gallon OJ, 1 dozen eggs and 1 gallon milk (it was on sale). I went up to a register (I didn’t self check out because I had old bananas, which I thought might be cheaper. They weren’t. Since when do they not give you a break on old bananas?)

I whipped out my bags and prepared to load, when (surprise, surprise) a bag boy came to pack my stuff. These days it’s a toss-up whether you will have to pack your own groceries. I handed him my bags, and he said (are you ready for this?)

“Uhhh, you want to use these bags? They seem like they are going to rip.”

ARGH! As someone who spent my hard-earned money on these string bags after numerous horrible experiences with Krogers cheap-youknowwhat bags, this really cheesed me off. I have chased oranges down the driveway, had apples so badly bruised that they were terminal, had to pick up numerous things that fell out of the bags, etc. I was furious and yet enjoying the irony at the same time.

I looked at him, and seriously pondered going off on how Kroger has progressively made their bags thinner, to the point where they now rip if you look at them cross-eyed. But then I thought, he’s like 16. He doesn’t care, and he has less than zero control of how Kroger Corporation makes policy decisions. So I didn’t let him have it. (Pause while I adjust my halo.)

I instead explained (politely) that they have been using these bags in Europe for years, and that they are guaranteed to hold 40 lbs. each. He said OK, and he, the cashier and I actually got into a brief discussion about the recent rulings in SanFran and Portland regarding plastic bags. (Which, of course, has nothing to do with my string bags, but it seemed more polite than, “Your bags are crap, CRAP I say!”)

I left the store with the long-handled bag over my shoulder, the short-handled bag in my right hand, and the gallon of milk in my left hand. It was still raining. Cold rain. But I gritted my teeth and went for it. If Hetty Wainthropp*** can do it at 60, then I certainly can do it at 30-and change.

I made it home, damp but triumphant, with all eggs intact, and the bread not squished. All in all, I think the bags work, and do what they are supposed to do. Hurray! I’m not relishing having to have a conversation with every cashier and bag boy at Krogers about how the bags ARE secure, but overall I would call this a success.

***Hetty Wainthropp is a character on a British detective series of the same name, starring Patricia Routledge as the title character. (Most Americans know Ms. Routledge as Hyacinth Bucket, pronounced bou-quet. As funny as she is in Keeping Up Appearances, I prefer her as the down-to-earth, no-nonsense Hetty Wainthropp.) The series is enjoyable and well worth checking out. Netflix has it. I'm just saying.