Update on Sheryl Crow

OK, I am so not talented like this (from IMAO.US):

It's her potty, and she'll cry if she wants to...
Posted by Laurence Simon at 12:40 PM | View blog reactions
Sheryl Crow demands a limit on toilet paper.

But that doesn't mean she can't sing about the glory days or a roll-a-pottybreak, right?

I would have given you all of my roll but there's someone who's being a butthole and she's taking almost all that I've got but if you want, I'll try to wipe again baby I'll try to wipe again but I know
The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
'cause when it comes to switching rolls, she's cursed
when it comes to leaving seats up, he's worst
but when it comes to leaving floaters, she's first
that's how I know

The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest

I still want you by my toilet's side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna get some two-ply
and if you want, I'll try to wipe again
but baby, I'll try to wipe again, but I know

The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
'cause when it comes to switching rolls, she's cursed
when it comes to leaving seats up, he's worst
but when it comes to leaving floaters, she's first
that's how I know

The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest

Now, some people can take a song (like The First Cut is the Deepest) and rework the lyrics to suit their mood. Tim F. is one semi-regular reader of this blog who has this gift. I am not one of those people, except for really inane TV theme songs (and then only the first verse). But I thought this was quite funny (and only slightly disgusting).

I guess I'm not really enough of a fan of Sheryl Crow's music to even be able to sing the tunes to most of her stuff. I WILL say that when I first heard about the original story, my first thought had to do with her song "Steve McQueen" where she (or probably a stunt double) drove a vintage Mustang fast and irresponsibly. When the song came out, I had a brief moment of liking her, because of the Steve McQueen reference. But of course, we cannot drive vintage cars around, because they guzzle gas and they don't have the thingie in them (ack! I hate it when I can't think of the word...came out in the late 70s...total brain fart!).

I actually had a guy stop in a parking lot to gripe at those of us who were ooohing and aaaahing at a classic 50s car, telling us how TERRIBLE it is that anyone would even THINK of driving one of those dinosaurs today. ARGH!

Why don't we all just sit in caves in the dark for the rest of our lives?!?!

Carbon Offsets = Indulgences

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_offset

Money quote: "Many environmentalists disagree with the principle of carbon offsets. George Monbiot, an English environmentalist and writer, has compared carbon offsets to the practice of purchasing Indulgences during the Middle Ages, whereby people with money could purchase forgiveness for their sins (instead of actually repenting and not sinning anymore). Monbiot also says that carbon offsets are an excuse for business as usual with regards to pollution.[15] To date, no authoritative studies have been performed concerning offset buyers' behavior (e.g., whether they take other measures to reduce their CO2 output.)"

Also, read this article about Al Gore and his carbon offsets, wherein he uses as much power as he wants, then purchases carbon offsets from a company he owns, thereby enriching himself even more. It's brilliant! I mean, Monty Burns dastardly! Meanwhile, Dubya's mansion in Texas is much more eco-friendly than Al Gore's mansion in Tennessee. And the MSM isn't paying attention? I don't believe it!

http://www.investors.com/editorial/editorialcontent.asp?secid=1501&status=article&id=258075474834657

Carbon Offsets: Al Gore's Big Easy
INVESTOR'S BUSINESS DAILY

Posted 3/6/2007

Environmentalism: Gore's carbon footprint may be the size of Godzilla's, but he eases his conscience with 'carbon offsets.' He buys them from himself. And every time someone else buys them, Big Al gets richer.

Whoda thunk it? Former oilman George Bush, scourge of the environment, lives in a house more eco-friendly than Al Gore, a dwelling that would make Hollywood eco-activist Ed Begley, star of HGTV's 'Living With Ed,' drool.

When Dubya spends time at his Crawford ranch, he's in a single-story, 4,000-square-foot limestone house that a 2001 article in USA Today described as an 'eco-friendly haven.' Even David Roberts, staff writer for the online environmental magazine Grist has called the energy efficiency of the president's home as 'fantastic.'

As USA Today described it: 'Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into purifying tanks underground — one tank for water from showers and bathroom sinks, which is called 'gray water,' and one tank for 'black water' from the kitchen and toilets.' The purified water is funneled to the cistern with the rainwater.

In addition, 'the Bushes installed a geothermal heating and cooling system, which uses about 25% of the electricity that traditional heating and cooling systems use.' As Marlo Lewis, a senior fellow at the Competitive Enterprise Institute, noted: 'It's interesting that Bush seems to actually practice conservation, while Gore seems to want to buy his way out of his obligations.'

Lewis was referring to the buying and selling of 'carbon offsets,' a mechanism that allows Gore's home to consume 20 times as many kilowatt-hours as the average American's. It allows gluttonous energy consumers like Gore to ease their conscience while doing absolutely nothing to curb their own energy use.

Say you want to fly your Gulfstream private jet across the country regularly to Hollywood premieres instead of taking a Greyhound bus. You buy a carbon offset, giving money to people who will do something like invest it in windmills and solar panels to 'reduce' carbon emissions by an equivalent amount. Your are then declared 'carbon neutral' as you continue to pollute.

Speaking of carbon offsets and shell games, guess where Gore buys his carbon offsets? Well, he buys them from a firm call Generation Investment Management LLP, a tax-exempt U.S. 501(c)3 corporation. The chairman and co-founder is Al Gore. In other words, he buys his carbon offsets from himself. Others who buy these offset are really buying stock in Gore's growing business. You, too, can green up his portfolio, if not Earth itself.

The number of companies jumping into this market has multiplied. In 2006, at least 60 sold offsets worth about $110 million to consumers in Europe and North America in 2006, up from a dozen firms selling offsets worth $6 million in 2004. That's a lot of green.

We recently wrote about the conscience-easing of folks like a San Jose State professor who can continue to drive her Lexus guilt-free because she made a contribution to a San Francisco company called TerraPass. It takes her money and invests in wind power and ways to reduce farm pollution, giving her a sticker to put on her car.

Skeptics of this scheme — perhaps we should call it a scam — include, interestingly enough, Steve Rayner, a senior professor at Oxford and a member of a group working on the reduction of greenhouse gases for the U.N.'s International Panel of Climate Change. 'What these companies are allowing people to do,' said Rayner, 'is to carry on with their current behavior with a clear conscience.'

There's a word for this — hypocrisy. The only one with a clear conscience should be Bush, friend of Earth.

Sheryl Crow Fell Off the Deep End

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/21/AR2007042101385_pf.html

This just has to be read to be believed. Sheryl Crow has LOST IT.

Exhibit 1: I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Exhibit 2: I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

Let me get this straight. You want us to use only 1 square of TP per trip to the john. OK. No problem. Just know that I will be using 4 times the amount of soap and water to wash my hands with afterwards. Hope that's not a problem for you...

You want to revert to using our sleeves to wipe our mouths with at meals? Devolution, anyone? (Perhaps she's never heard of that nifty new invention, cloth napkins?)

Meanwhile, in the "the irony is so deep you could drown in it" category:

"Singer Sheryl Crow and environmentalist Laurie David have been traveling across America on a two-week Stop Global Warming College Tour" (on a biodiesel BUS).

"This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!) Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??. . . . a recording contract!!!!!"

Just because the bus is biodiesel doesn't make it OK to drive all over the damn country! (Although it's a step up from David Suzuki, who didn't even use a biodiesel for his CC tour of Canada.) But still: TV, radio, internet, email...ringing any bells?

I have a better idea for the reality show, Sheryl: you, John Travolta, Barbra Streisand, and 7 other celebrities walking your talk for a month. No private jets, no tour buses, no yachts, etc.

That way we don't have to deal with yet another no-talent celebretainer inserting himself (or herself) into our lives. I cannot handle the sheer quantity of celebretainers already foisting themselves on me.

The really sad part is that these people (celebrities) are so incredibly narcissistic that they really don't see how very hypocritical they are. They genuinely don't see it. Of course, they don't see the hypocrisy of carbon offsets either.

Jews Shouldn't Be on the Supreme Court

Oh, I'm sorry. I misread it. What Rosie actually said was that CATHOLICS shouldn't be allowed on the Supreme Court.

http://newsbusters.org/node/12157

But of course, it's OK to say things like that about Catholics. Why would we be offended by that? She's not a bigot.

Unless you say the same sentence and just substitute the word Jew or Black.