What a maroon...

OK, I'm in a bad mood, so that probably doesn't help matters much, but I'm sorry. Johnny Depp gave an interview in Rolling Stone recently where he talked about Keith Richards, and how cool he is.

What exactly is cool about watching a 60-something guy stumble and teeter around and try desperately to pretend he's still 25?

Frankly, his sort of antics aren't even cool when you're 25, but they are just pathetic when you're 65.

And it's sooo dorky for Johnny Depp to think that this guy is any kind of cool.

I'll tell you the same thing I have been saying for years:

Grow up
Get a haircut
Get off the dope
Try listening to some real music for a change

Frank Sinatra. Now that cat was cool...

I Hate 24 with a Passion

OK. I stuck it out through the entire season. Sure, I gave up for a couple of weeks there, when, after every episode I was irritated beyond words at the sheer stupidity of what I saw. But then The Canuck pulled me back into the 24 spiral of insanity. (Semi-Godfather reference.)

So tonight was the "2 hour season finale" of this season. I'm not going to put spoilers in here...mostly.

However, I read an article last week that said basically that the producers knew this season sucked and that they were going to fix things for next season. They were going to take the show out of LA, and it was going to be Jack Bauer and a whole new cast of characters. Perhaps some old fave actors would show up, as new characters, but basically, a whole new cast. So that pretty much tells me that, say, if we don't know now whether Ex-President Logan is alive or dead, we won't know later.

Guess what?

We don't know.

We also don't know who The Mole is (I still think Milo, and the appearance of his creepy brother doesn't help his case). We still don't know whether President Wayne is going to make it. We don't know about his annoying sister's reasonably cool boyfriend (remember him? The Muslim who got the stuffing kicked out of him at Camp Bombalot?) We don't know how Mike Doyle is. (I'm not sure we care, but still...) We don't know whether Josh's dad is Jack or the granddad. (The only thing we're reasonably sure of is that Josh's dad isn't his dad, if you know what I mean.)

That's really freaking annoying. I mean, I GET cliffhangers. I get Jack walking off into the sunset and not sure where he's going to land. But if they are not going to continue the other characters, the least they can do is clean up the messes.

I am SOOOO not happy right now.

Part Two of My Techhie Woe

So...when last we left our plucky reporter, she was exhausted and frustrated because she had:

1. Bought a useless Sony DVD/VCR which wasn't an "R"
2. Returned said useless piece of crap
3. Been told by the Salesdude at Worst Buy that she was hopelessly out of date in her choice of technology, and that the only way to remedy this terminal uncoolness was to spend upwards of 1K on new crap (which will be obsolete before you can say Jack Robinson)
4. Went to Target, Kmart and Walmart. Ended up with a nifty new combo TV/DVD/VCR by Magnavox for $170 that is supposed to fill all my needs.
5. Got sopping wet because I did all this in the rain. (Except for buying the original thing, because that was the day before).
6. Realized after trial and error that my nifty new TV/DVD/VCR wouldn't fit in my car. So I called The Clam, got her out of a nice warm bath and made her come rescue me.
7. Got home at 9 at night, cold, wet and hungry.
8. Posted my incredible frustration.

And now... the punchline!

The damn VCR part doesn't work!!! It will play a tape. Audio only. Well, yippee skippy.

So guess what The Clam gets to help me do next?

PIECE OF CRAP.

Another Sheryl Crow Post

So apparently now Sheryl says the whole "one sheet of TP per sitting" thing was a joke.

But I think that's a fib, and here's why: Go to the link I included on my original post and read the whole thing. Done already? Wow. You're a fast reader. Now let's test your comprehension skills.

Did you see what I saw when I read that? The entire blog is so achingly sincere. I mean, if this was the 1930s, Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland would be telling the gang that they can surely raise enough money to repair the roof of the orphanage if they just threw a big hootenanny in Farmer Clem's barn. Golly gosh gee willikers. It's sooo... earnest.

Now, I'm not criticizing that necessarily. My point is that there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of joking going on.

So, Sheryl, since you appear to be interwebs-impaired, here's a crash course in the blogosphere:

People cannot see your face when you type a blog entry. So, even if you are giggling hysterically as you type, don't automatically assume that everyone is going to get your joke. Therefore, there are methods of ensuring that people "get" your humor:

1. Type the word "grin" at the end of the funny. Like this... grin.
2. You could say "Sarcasm Off" (which indicates that sarcasm was "on" previously
3. You can make a winky face with only 3 keys: the semi-colon, the dash key, and the close parenthesis. Like so ;-)
4. Some modern computing machines will give you choices of funny faces to put into a document. They are called "emoticons." Some people don't like them, but I have it on good authority that those people are Nazis. grin.

See what I did there? I used one of my suggestions!

Try it for next time, mmmkay?

Guess Not...

So I went down the back stairs to throw in a load of laundry, and no...the wreath o'balls is still on the door. (Cue Bill Murray..Falalala-lala-laLAAAAHHH.)

You know, here's the thing. She can have whatever she wants on HER door (or should I say doors - there's a front one and a back one). So can I. That's fine. And if she wants it to be Christmas in May, whatever.

But the wreath on the door to the building is TACKY and WRONG. Actually, it's doubly tacky, because not only is it out of season (grossly), but there's a PRICE TAG STILL ON IT.

Elvis may or may not be pumping gas in Kalamazoo, but Minnie Pearl is living in my building.

Well Halle-FLIPPING-luia!

My nutty neighbor has FINALLY taken down the cutesy-wutesy craft sale sleigh with the "Let it Snow!" emblazoned across it from her front door. Well, it's April 30th. Why not? I think it's safe to say that if you want it to snow now, you should live in the Arctic Circle.

I haven't checked the back door to see if the kitschy wreath made completely from Christmas tree ornaments is down; I presume it is...

Now if she would only take down the Christmas wreath from the common front door (you know, the one EVERYONE can see)...

All things considered, that's the one I'd rather she'd focus on...