Are All Newfoundlanders As Cool As Him???

Rick Mercer, my much-adored CBC Semi Fake News King, has reached new heights in my estimation. He has written a response to some whiny news columnist who complained that all the talk about Canadian soldiers getting wounded in Afghanistan (which is a UN sanctioned peace-keeping operation) was really ruining her Christmas. He basically gave her a first rate smackdown. I heartily approve.

http://www.theindependent.ca/article.asp?AID=1333&ATID=6

It's really hard to exerpt blurbs, because the whole letter is smackdownariffic, but his basic points are:

1. The Canadian presence in Afghanistan is sanctioned by both the UN and NATO (so it's not the same as the US-led presence in Iraq, for example).
2. Canada has an obligation to fulfill its commitment to UN/NATO.
3. Canadian forces are keeping the Taliban at bay there.
4. The Taliban feels very strongly that women are better when they are neither seen nor heard, and certainly not edjumacated.
5. Perhaps a story on the CBC about wounded soldiers is not a cheerful Christmas story, however, as members of the armed forces, they are worthy of respect.
6. As much as we would like to "give peace a chance," sometimes that is just not feasible. Peace talks only work when both sides want peace. When the other side wants to (say) take away your right to vote, leave your house without a male escort or defend yourself against rape, murder or anything else, perhaps they are not humming a John & Yoko song under their breath.
7. As a matter of fact, we should try to catch a few Taliban, just so we can ask them if their hatred for women stems from Yoko Ono destroying the Beatles. I'm just saying.

OK, perhaps that last point was my own. However, I think you got the idea. Read the whole article if you can. It rocks! Rick Mercer rocks!

One of my very first entries in the blogosphere (back in November) talked about how much I love Rick Mercer, and how he kicks Jon Stewart's butt. I mean, the man comes face to face with polar bears, gets attacked by a police dog and drives a tank, all in the name of truthi-full journalism. What's not to love? Plus his Talking to Americans is always funny, even though I know the results are skewed. For me the funny (and embarrassing) part is how many American politicians (governors and suchlike) have no clue about Canada. You're always going to have a few Americans who believe that Canada is a landlocked country with no navy, or that they just legalized insulin, or whatever. They would never put me on the show, because I would never fall for that stuff. But it's funny nonetheless.

Now, I must admit. I may well be in love. He's smart, witty, urbane (and very handsome) and now, I find he's a kick*ss guy as well. I wonder if he's single? I'll bet my Corrie Canucker Galpal Glacia would help me find my way around TO so I can stalk him (in the nicest possible way, of course!)

Harry Potter Grows Up

So the kid that plays Harry Potter is appearing in his birthday suit in some play in London. Apparently, there are a lot of Mrs. Lovejoys out there, saying, "Won't somebody please think of the children?!" (DJ: that's a Simpsons reference.)

Here's the link. (Warning: although the pic doesn't actually show his stuff, there is a certain level of nudity, enough to convince me that he is definitely too old to play young teenager Harry anymore...)
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-23383624-details/What+will+Hermione+say%2C+Harry/article.do

I'm starting to form an opinion that, in the same way all women's roles used to be played by men, there should be no child actors. It hardly ever ends well. I mean, Diff'rent Strokes. Need I say more?

Has anyone seen the play they are talking about here? It sounds like a 1960s piece of crap. But then, I'm prejudiced - I hate most modern lit - pretty much anything from 1950 on...

Unless it's a murder mystery!

In Your Family, it's Just One Kee-risis After Another

With that remark, my uncle's favorite girlfriend broke up with him, about 40 years ago. I'd like to meet her, so I can shake her hand. Because truer words were never spoken.

As I mentioned a few days ago, Mom is selling her house and moving to the southwest. Now, this was originally supposed to happen in a couple of years. The idea was that she was going to spend the next couple of years sorting through her house, which is full from top to bottom (full attic and full basement) with 63+ years of junk, plus of course all the previously mentioned "touched by dead relatives" stuff. Additionally, she's been holding onto stuff for my cousin (the orphan) and The Clam. I will polish my own halo here and say that I have nothing in her attic. Anyway, her parting words before she left for the southwest to spy out the land were, "Oh, I wouldn't do anything in a hurry. After all the market in Detroit is soooo bad right now."

Fast forward to now, when she has bought a house down there and put her house on the market, and is looking to move by the end of March. And she is going to pay $8500 to move every piece of crap she has, practically. Which is her choice. She's an adult. Supposedly.

One of my favorite work-related posters is "Poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part." (Except that it isn't actually true when the rubber meets the road.) Well, true to form, Mom has turned this into an emergency situation we are all involved in. Over the weekend, I foolishly attempted to act like a grownup and have a calm and rational discussion with her (on behalf of both The Clam and myself) addressing our issues with the latest crisis. I was calm, I was patient, hell, I was William Freaking Shakespeare in my eloquence.

So far, her response has been:

1. When I called her to tell her that my offer had been accepted (on my house, because, you know, things are going on in my life as well as hers), she forced me into a 20 minute discussion about how:
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
This isn't a crisis or an emergency.
She hasn't been pushy or demanding.
How ungrateful I am acting for being offered all this stuff (for the record, I don't think I am being ungrateful. I AM saying "No" to things I don't want, which I thought was my right. As far as the whole "ancestor worship" thing goes, this is not news. This has been a recurring conversation in our family for decades now. And Mom has participated in the conversation just as much as I have.)
How lucky The Clam and I are to not have to be having to sort through this crap when she's dead, like she's had to many times (she forgets that I have had to do it too, starting when I was 15 and my grandma died, and Clam and I still will have to at least twice more, when she and Dad go).

2. Today, when I found out via The Clam that our aunt may in fact have been laid off, I called Mom to see if she knew this to be fact, or if our cousin was exaggerating. She told me that (and this is priceless manipulation) she wasn't sure if she wanted to call The Aunt to find out, because she didn't want to be accused of triangulating. (I told her over the weekend that I didn't appreciate her coming to me to complain about The Clam or to try and force me to book The Clam's time for her. So you see, since I used the word triangulating, she's got to throw it back in my face, even if she doesn't use it correctly.)

I should have just screamed and slammed a door. It would have accomplished just as little, and I'd probably feel better.

HG Wells, Sherlock Holmes & Jack the Ripper

So I checked my fave movie info website, IMDB. Here's the skinny:

Time after Time (1979) starred Malcolm McDowell as HG Wells, David Warner as Jack the Ripper and Mary Steenburgen as Amy Robbins. Wells succeeds in building a time machine (remember, he wrote sci-fi books) which his buddy uses to escape the police. Unbeknownst to him, he is good friends with Jack the Ripper. Oops. Well, I understand he always kind of was a little naive and befuddled. Jack travels forward in time and lands in San Francisco. HG has no choice but to follow him and bring him back, because (much like we are supposed to have flying cars) the future is Utopia, where there are no wars and no violence exists. (Apparently, HG knew that John and Yoko were coming to show us the way). Of course he is in for a rude awakening, but can he save Amy (his new GF) from Jack?

The Return of Sherlock Holmes (1986) was a TV movie which starred Michael Pennington as Sherlock Holmes, who was (get this) cryogenically frozen by his pal, Dr. Watson. (Boy, HG should have buddied up with them - apparently they knew what the future really held!) Anyhoo, Dr. Watson's great-granddaughter, Jane, is a PI in America. She unfreezes him, and they solve a case together. OK. Forget about the fact that both Holmes and Watson are fictional characters and you can't cryogenically freeze fictional characters - if you suspend your disbelief, it was actually a fun movie, and the actor who played Holmes really carried it off, if memory serves.

So there you go, Clam.

Scrooge, Party of Two

Back in December I mentioned that some swell person stole some toys that the Salvation Army was preparing to give poor kids at Christmas, and I posited that I had some suspicions of the Seventh Day Adventists, since they never get the kind of press that the Sally Ann gets. Well, it's still possible, but this appears to be part of a larger pattern:

Last fall, someone stole a bunch of gardening equipment from Greener Detroit (a charity which plants flowers and stuff downtown, so you are looking at the purty flahrs and not the homeless man peeing on an abandoned building).

Then, also last fall, someone stole a bunch of equipment from the Habitat for Humanity here.

Now this: http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070129/UPDATE/701290425

Yes, that's right. Someone broke into an agency that helps the homeless and stole a bunch of their equipment.

My new theory involves a semi psychedelic movie from about 1980, wherein HG Wells (played by Malcolm McDowell) successfully invented a time machine only to have his buddy David Warner (who also was, unbeknownst to him, Jack the Ripper) use it to escape from Scotland Yard. He ended up in modern-day (well, 1980 modern-day, so there may not have been Gay Pride Parades yet) San Francisco, where he tries to kill Mary Steenburgen for reasons which I can no longer remember, except that she was there.

Anyhoo, the jist of MY theory is that Charles Dickens and HG Wells were buddies, and somehow Ebenezer Scrooge has been let loose in Detroit, 2006-07.

And I was just kidding about the Seventh Day Adventists. Now, the Shakers are a different story...

And, Flirting with Blasphemy...

Here's wikiality's article on Jesus H. Christ, who is, of course, an American and a Republican. It's funny and it makes me nervous for laughing at the same time (I hear that it gets really hot in Hell). However, this exerpt is where I lost it and really laughed out loud...

"When compared with all the non-Christian (false) deities, Jesus is the most ripped, except for perhaps Thor, but he's all about muscle mass while Jesus is about being toned."

Here's the link to the whole article: http://www.wikiality.com/Jesus

OK, that should do it for my ooohing and aaahing over Stephen Colbert's genius. Maybe.

Stephen Colbert on Lutherans

This one just cracked me up:

http://www.wikiality.com/Lutherans

Check out the pic of Martin Luther King. (And yes, I know. It's a JOKE. Read the article.)

Plus apparently Styx did not invent the saying "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Who would've thunk it?

Thrilled, Nervous and I Think I Just Vurped a Little

So...I did post sort of around New Year's that I was going to (gasp!) buy a condo this year, or die in the attempt. This was brought on by many things, but the vast majority of it has to do with the fact that I am fed up with dealing with landlords and their whims and, er, peculiarities. I hadn't planned on being a single homeowner. I mean, my PLAN had been to be married to a nice Catholic guy well before now (smart and a good sense of humor essential; terrific abs negotiable) but apparently, God didn't get that memo. Somebody clever once said: If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Well, for whatever reason, God, St. Anne and St. Agnes have decided that I make a better spinster than I would a wife, so fine. I'll go with that. (I do have a choice, but I'm not going to marry a loser just to be married. I'd rather be single and happy than married and miserable. Ideally, I'd like to be married and happy. On that other hand, I have all my extremities and faculties, so I'm not complaining.) So I made a decision last fall that it was time to stop waiting for life to happen and just do it. Plus, you know, the baby seester (The Clam) did it last year, and she hasn't been put in Debtor's Prison, so... what the hell?

Well, with that in mind, and not mentioning any details to speak of (I'm sure there are no creepy stalker types on my little blog, but still) I have put in an offer on a condo, and it has been accepted. So, assuming the inspection goes well and I get the mortgage (I've been pre-approved, so hopefully there's no problems there) I will be moving into my very own little place come late winter/very early spring.

I'm thrilled and terrified at the same time, and I've hardly been able to hold food down, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to post on it, because I'm scared something will go horribly wrong. (I think that an SNL-er wrote a book a few years ago called "And God Said Ha!" That could be my motto, and I'm not kidding.)

Anyway, if everything goes okay, I will be queen of my little castle in a couple of months. If you think of it, say a little prayer that God spares me a smackdown on this particular issue. I'm already palling up to St. Joseph, and, mindful of the actual background of the whole St. Joseph homeselling thing, there will be no burial or threatening of poor old St. Joe. Just respect and devotion to a man who really stepped up to the plate and got his wife and son out of Dodge in a timely manner.

I heart Stephen Colbert!

Check out the wikiality!

http://www.wikiality.com/Catholic_Church

Hi-freakin-larious!

I especially like Jesus' quote: “Blessed are they who pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.” Truer words were never spoken!!!

PLUS, if you click the hotlinks, there are other definitions. Consider this gem from "Virgin Mary": Mary is a Republican, but she prefers to leave politics to men, since things like economics and foreign relations are beyond her. Mary is against abortion, stem cell research, gay marriage and women in the workplace. Though Mary is a Republican, she did endorse Joe Lieberman because "he's such a good boy, what a mensch!"

Also quite amusing...at the bottom of the page there's a list: things which make the Baby Jesus happy. I see "24" is on top of that list, so I guess I have to keep watching it. Don't want to make the Baby Jesus cry.

Steve Gutenberg Has a Lot to Answer for

I mean, sure, the printing press was a great invention. There's no question that it changed the entire world. For that alone, he belongs in a category with Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Al Gore (who invented the internet, dontcha know). But, ever notice how you can't say "Bill Gates" without getting a little twitchy? I mean, no question he has done amazing things with his computing machine, but there are implications there - ways in which our lives have become worse as well as better. It is a double edged sword, you might say.

I love having inexpensive reading material around: books, magazines, etc. I love to read, period. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the vast amount of paper in my life. I'm not just referring to my book collection (although that is scary big). I speak also of PAPER. Old bills, EOBs, articles I have printed off the World Wide Web. You know, the piles of crap that can invade your life. I recently spent an evening (several hours) sorting through paper. See, I play this game with myself. Since I shuffle paper all day at work, I tend to ignore it at home. It gets put in a pile, which I pretend is going to magically disappear after 7 days. But it never does, and the pile gets higher and higher, and then the cats chase each other across it and disaster occurs. Then the scrambled mess that once was a pile goes into a box, to be dealt with "that weekend" (which of course doesn't happen). I usually put it off until it is a massive project, and terrifying to behold. Unless I have accidentally put a bill or something in the box, in which case, when the bill needs to be paid, I have to go hunting.

Books are another thing. I check out a ton of books from the library, but oftentimes what I am interested in reading about isn't available at the library, so I buy more books than a really want to. Books are heavy and they take up a lot of room. I know a lot of people have comented about products like Sony's eBook Reader by saying they prefer books. But think about how much paper is involved with all the books that get printed. I long for the day when all books are available electronically, and you can keep a library in your palm.

I think it is simply the next step in the progression of things.

So basically, Steve Gutenberg is a hero and a jerk, all rolled into one.

The Michigan Lottery

Yesterday as I was driving along the highway, I saw a billboard which said (roughly): Michigan Lottery: $17 Billion to our schools.

My first reaction was: how stupid do you think I am? Yes, the lottery does put money into the schools. That's how they got voters to approve the lottery in the first place. Then they promptly took other monies away from the schools. The end result is that the schools aren't actually getting more money. They're just getting different money.

Then I thought about it. Years ago, The Clam had a bumper sticker on her car that said: Lottery: a tax on people who can't do math. I have bought 1 or 2 lottery tickets in my day, fully realizing that it was a stupid waste of money. I have never seriously "played the lottery." So, as I'm pondering this billboard, I realize: the irony of the situation is perfect! People who can't do math are paying way more than their fair share to ensure that children learn math!

It's beautiful! It's brilliant!

Musings on "24"

OK. When 24 first premiered a few years ago, I watched the first few episodes. Then I missed a few episodes, and when I tried to re-enter the high-intensity world of counter-terrorism, I was lost. So I stopped watching. I have meant to put the past couple of seasons on my Netflix Queue, but I have over 300 things on there now, so...

Anyway, I made a point of watching the (4 hour!!!) season premier Sunday and Monday nights. Overall, I enjoyed it, except...

1. Keifer Sutherland's ears are really distracting. (On the other hand, there's no way Donald could deny paternity).
2. I could swear that the guy who played Ahmed is the dude who starred in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. I haven't actually seen the movie, just the previews, but he really looks like the same guy. I plan to check out Harold and Kumar the next time I get stoned, so... hm. Let me check my calendar... Oh yeah. That's right. I guess I won't be watching Harold and Kumar. Except now I may have to just to see if it's the same guy. Even though it looks like one of those only funny if you have been smoking the wacky tobacky movies. He's also like an Indo-Pak version of the guy from Scrubs. Weird. Can your doppelganger be from another race? I did have someone tell me once that I look just like Marilyn McCoo. Of course, he was kind of...stoned at the time. Wow - how cosmic was THIS?
3. I had a really hard time watching Shaun Majumder. For those of you ignorant of popular culture, the CBC has a show called This Hour Has 22 Minutes, which is kind of a fake news show but which also has skits. Shaun is a regular on there, and one of his repeat characters is a sports reporter named Raj Binder, who's a little... weird and sweaty and slimy (in a lounge lizard kind of way). Shaun is very funny. So I'm watching him play a terrorist who escaped from terrorist camp (do they have to sing stupid campfire songs?) and is putting together a nuclear device. And (because it's a NUCLEAR DEVICE), he's sweating. And I'm trying not to giggle. Because it's a Very Serious Scene. But all I can think about is Raj Binder drinking out of an athletic supporter, because it's a "cup."
4. The chick that plays the president's sister is seriously annoying. He's trying to prevent a nuclear attack on American soil, and she's whining and carrying on, and getting arrested (for deleting documents that the FBI had a warrant for!). I hate her. She's the boil on the butt of the show, and I hope they lance her.
5. I can't believe cross-eyed chick has two co-workers fighting over her, completely unable to separate their alpha-male tendencies from the fact that they are trying to prevent a nuclear attack. Totally unrealistic for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is (so far, anyway) she's neither attractive nor interesting.

Other than that, it was pretty gripping. I may even try to watch it regularly this season. But I'm not sure. I stopped watching ER (about 10 years ago) because the whole adrenaline rush 12 times an hour thing got a little old. I watch TV to relax, not stress out. We'll see. (Yes, Matlock IS more my speed. Thanks for noticing.)

The Golden Globes

No, I didn't watch them. I generally ignore award shows. My personal opinion is that Hollywood has a high enough opinion of itself without getting patted on the back every other week. Name another profession where you get schmoozed all over 18 times a year. Most of us just show up and do our jobs. Once a year we might get something called a "raise." You'd think that earning a gazillion dollars a year would be all the positive reinforcement these people need. I cannot decide whether they are narcisstic or needy. Probably a combination. At any rate, it's annoying.

That said, I love that Helen Mirren won 2 times: for playing Queen Elizabeth 1 AND Queen Elizabeth 2. Hilarious! She is a GREAT actress. Really talented, and from what I've heard, a class act all the way. AND Hugh Laurie won (I'm assuming for House) and I love Hugh Laurie. (Not "he's so dreamy" love him; "he's so talented" love him.) Which got me thinking: who do I really enjoy watching? And you know what? They are almost all British! Not just Helen Mirren and Hugh Laurie, but also Judi Dench, Patricia Routledge (that's Hyacinth Bucket, people), Stephen Fry, Rowan Atkinson, etc. Am I a wannabe? An Anglophile snob? Or do I just have good taste?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

That, by the way, is completely original. I just made that up. Pretty cool, huh?

Actually, I think it was a song by Styx. Are there any Gen-Xers out there who can testify?

Anyhoo, on to the reason for the post. So last summer The Clam shocked and thrilled audiences around the world by becoming a member of the landed gentry. (Well, a homeowner anyway.) Thus proving that, although she cannot renew her registration without a kerfuffle (check out her blog if you don't believe me), she has her sh*t together in ways that I have only dreamed of. But, since she was brave enough to do it, I began to think that I might possibly do it. So, with only $20 in my savings account (just kidding!) I determined that I would become a homeowner this year as well. Hurray!

The first step was getting "pre-approved" (which is a stupid phrase, much like "pre-existing") for a mortgage. Now, I'm not telling you any $$$$ info, because even I display Clam-like tendencies in financial areas, but suffice it to say I shall not be buying in the Grosse Pointes. Now, I have a slight tendency to worry and obsess over things. Just a teeny tiny quirk, really. (ahem) The pre-approval, which should have been completed the day I called, took 7 days. That's right. Not because of me. Because of IT issues at the mortgage company. So I had a whole week to feel inadequate. It was lots of fun. The Clam was ready to kill me.

I have an appointment with a buyer's agent on Friday, and will keep you informed.

HOWEVER, (and here's where the "worst" comes in) our mother has decided that she is ready to shuffle off to Buffalo this winter as well. Well, the Southwest actually. So she is currently trying to sort through 60-some years of accumulated crap. Most of it she is trying to give to us. So not only do I need to sort through and de-clutter, I have stuff coming in faster than it is going out. What you must understand is that we have this sort of bizarre, white folk version of Chinese ancestor worship in our family. This is something clearly recognized and much ridiculed by the younger generation. However, there are 2 members of the older generation still around, and they rule the roost. With the end result that I have 3 sets of good china, and I've never been married. Pick your favorite and sell the rest, you say? HA! I cannot do that, because dead relatives once touched those plates. I am required to drag them through life, and some day burden my own children with them (if I even have kids). Even though they are "mine," I do not have rights of disposal. Now, unfortunately there are only certain things which fall into this category: china, silver, quilts and dressers (to keep the quilts in).

Keep in mind that I use a comforter, and when I tried to use one of the quilts, I was appalled that it could be so heavy and yet not warm enough at the same time! And that my every day dishes are Corelle. Plain white. I love them. They are very zen. And that I much prefer modern furniture (well, shaker or arts and crafts style anyway) to super ornate victorian stuff. I have an apartment full of furniture that I would never have picked, that I am not allowed to get rid of, but must at least "store" until further notice.

All of which is super upsetting, because I hate clutter. It really gets me down. I really like Scandinavian or Asian design (zen- you know). Now, I don't mean po-mo. I don't like uncomfortable furniture. I just mean clean lines and minimal clutter. At some point there is going to be a showdown in Dodge. I can feel it. Because I am not going to do this indefinitely.

Anyway, I'll keep you updated.

Wicked Weather

I was going to call this Things That Irritate Me, Part 5,942, but then I thought, you know, just looking at the titles of a lot of my posts, you might get the impression that I am trying out for Walter Matthau's role in Grumpy Old Men. Of course, I'm not old (yet, but I do hope to be one day) and I'm not a man (and I DON'T hope to be). But, The Clam can tell you, I can get pretty grumpy. However, I am generally in a good mood most of the time. I just... don't suffer fools gladly.

Anyway, it really bugs me that whenever there's a storm (or any bad weather) the caption on the TV news invariably says "Wicked Weather." OK. Here's the thing: weather is a force, not a person. There is no such person as "Mother Nature," people! When we have an ice storm, or freezing rain, or Hurricane Katrina, that is not some hippie chick with long blond hair and a wreath on her head taking a bad acid trip and dragging us along with her. It's just WEATHER. Calling it "wicked" is stupid. It's anthropomorphising it. And I would like to nominate it for the list of phrases and words that need to GO. (You know the list. It comes out once a year. Past "winners" include "talk to the hand," "jiggy" and "that's hot.")

And now, just to make you chuckle, guffaw or giggle, I will again quote C. Montgomery Burns: "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese."

If you MUST have alliteration, how about "Wintry Weather?" Because that's what it is...

More Completely Unoriginal Movies from Hollywood

Good grief! Is Hollywood even trying anymore? They are starting to remind me of a particularly unpleasant ex-boyfriend of mine. They basically phone in the entire relationship. They are late for every date, never come up with an original idea, and then when I get restless and annoyed and suggest that we spend time apart, they whine and complain that they really love me. They don't want to break up and they don't understand why I have problems with the relationship. (Inferring that I am the problem, not them.)

So here's the tripe Hollywood is currently offering:

1. Freedom Writers. It's Dangerous Minds, Stand and Deliver, and all the other "Deeply Caring Teacher goes into ghetto high school and really turns those kids around, even though 1 semester of caring cannot make up for 12 years of sub-standard education, and these kids will still be lucky to work at Mickey Ds." You know it; you've seen it. (On a related note, strip dancing will not get you into a ballet company, not matter how much you want it to.)
2. The Hitcher. Which I swear was a movie in about the mid-80s with Rutger Hauer (whatever happened to him?) and the kid from The Outsiders. What was his name again? You know - the youngest one - Ponyboy. Anyway, it honestly looks like a remake, and even if it isn't, you already figured out the plot, haven't you? When Mom warned you not to pick up hitchhikers, she wasn't kidding.
3. We Are Marshall. Which is based on a true story, but is basically just like every single underdog sports story you've ever seen. At least it's uplifting. Although I can no longer look at Matthew McConnaughey (sp?) without giggling, thanks to the naked bongo incident. Which probably isn't a good thing when you are watching a movie about dead teenagers.
4. Alpha Dog. Which appears to be the story of a bunch of rich white kids who have embraced gangsta culture, with the requisite ANOMIE (note the use of the cool Economist word) that comes along with it. I have seen the previews, and it honestly reminds me of a movie I saw in the mid or late 80s called River's Edge, which featured Keanu Reeves, Crispin Glover and Dennis Hopper. It was about a teenager who murders his girlfriend and then tells all his buddies about it. They spend the entire movie reacting to this (she was their friend too, after all) but nobody thinks to call the cops. The Who is so full of it. The kids are NOT alright.
5. Stomp the Yard. Which is another "Wow, Black People Have Great Rhythm" movie, like Save the Last Dance and the one about the drum corps. Of course, it's mixed with an "out of town underdog" vibe, a la Footloose (which proved that White People Have Terrible Rhythm).

Plus of course there are any number of sequels out right now.

See, Hollywood is fat and lazy, sitting on my couch with a beer in one hand and the other hand down their (unbuttoned) pants. Hollywood wants to know WHY I want to go out to dinner, when after all there's food in the house, and football on TV.

That's OK. I have Blackadder 3 AND 4 at home right now from Netflix. So I will spend the night with Rowan Atkinson and Hugh Laurie. You lose, Hollywood! There's 70,000 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

Well, I hope they are WIDE seats...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,243280,00.html

Because links sometimes disappear, the story is about how the LA Dodgers will have "all you can eat" seats at their ballpark next year. Now, this is just a BAAAD idea. I don't think ANYTHING should be "all you can eat."

I like baseball. I don't particularly like watching it on television, but there is something very nice about spending a sunny summer afternoon with a beer and a hotdog, root-root-rooting for the home team. I get that. I even get having food and beverages as part of the experience. But come on. You'd have to be blind and living under a rock to not have noticed that we have a slight weight problem in this country (collectively speaking). Call me crazy, but I happen to think that one factor of the problem (not the only one; I'm not a simpleton) is the unbelievable ubiquitousness of food in our culture. It is quite literally everywhere. And most of it is fattening. (OK, see there would be an exception to the "no all you can eat rule": celery. You can eat as much celery as you want. But, really, who wants to mange on celery?)

One of the blogs I read is a quite thoughtful one which talks a lot about food and our culture. The author of the blog is a proponent of something called CR, or CRON (calorie restriction with optimal nutrition). It kind of deserves its own post to explain, and while I don't practice CR, I can see some of their points quite clearly. For example, the fact that we are drowning in food. Anyway, April coined a word (well, I don't know that she coined it, but I've never seen it before): obesogenic. We live in an obesogenic culture. A thousand opportunities arise each day to eat things that aren't healthy. Even if you make the right choice 90% of the time, you're still eating a lot of gak.

I definitely don't want Big Brother (aka the government) to intervene on my behalf. First of all, I like small government. Second of all, they would screw it up. Asking the government to police our food is like asking the Three Stooges to paint your office. (Knucklehead! Why I oughtta...)

Any change that is to happen has to come from a basic economic concept: supply and demand. If we stop demanding it, they'll stop supplying it. It's a basic rule of the market. So every time I pass up the Supersized Meal, the deep-fried oreos, the all you can eat anything, I have voted with my dollar. It's just that there don't seem to be enough people out there who are voting the same way I am. And until that changes, we will continue to get fatter and less healthy.

If enough people reacted to "all you can eat" with a look of disgust and an "Eeeewww!" (what a great word!) perhaps they would discontinue these seats. I mean, would you want to admit you bought the porker seats at the ballpark? I wouldn't. I'm frankly surprised that LA of all places would be doing this. (Unless Brad Pitt wants to look like Will Ferrell.)

What do you think?

An Ode to The Economist

Well, OK, not an ode. Poe-tree ain't mah thang.

I love the magazine The Economist. It is simply the best newsmagazine I have ever found. First of all, it is actually NEWS. Not celebrity news. Not health reports. NEWS. Second of all, it actually seems to grasp that (gasp!) there are other countries on the planet besides the United States of America. (This may have something to do with the fact that it is based in London, which is in ... some other country.) The scope of the news they provide is amazing. Within the last month I have read extensive articles about Evo Morales, the Pushtunwali, Genghis Khan's 800th birthday and many others.

But that's not what I'm here to preach on today. I am here today to tell you that The Economist will improve your vocabulary, if you let it. The Clam and I are both wordsmiths. We come from a family of wordsmiths. We regularly tease a young cousin, who interrupted a heavy debate at a family gathering a few years ago about "staunched vs. stanched" with the plaintive cry of the teenager:

"Why do we always have to talk about WORDS?!?!"

Well, in an effort to improve my already stellar vocabulary, I made a pledge to myself and the brilliant journalists (it isn't NECESSARILY an oxymoron) at The Economist: if I don't KNOW the word, I will look it up. Now, that's a tricky point. I often don't "know" the word; meaning that I can infer from the context what they are trying to say, but if someone were to ask me to define the word in question, I couldn't.

That will never do, I decided. I will look up every word that I am not comfortable with. So, for example, I looked up fripperies, with is a word I have seen before, but it turns out I would not have defined it correctly if there had been a quiz. And, although I was familiar with intifada, I was fascinated to see that the Arabic origin of the word is: to be shaken, to wake up.

However, The Economist regularly uses words that I have never seen anywhere else. Some of them are clear favorites of the magazine, like internecine, which I have seen several times now, and anomie, which is destined to become a new favorite of mine. (Look them up if you don't know them!) Additionally, I have learned Russian words taiga and dacha, and the Italian word omerta.

Then there was this gem: dissever. I saw the word and thought: Dis-sever, to put back together? To not tear apart? But that wouldn't fit with the rest of the sentence. So I looked it up. Dissever means to sever. WHAT? How does that make sense? Isn't that a double-negative?

This is a great example of why English is such a tricky language....but I love it so!

Little Mosque on the Prairie

So the CBC has a new show called Little Mosque on the Prairie, which debuted earlier this week. I caught it last night. It's about a handsome young urban Imam from the big city (Toronto) who accepts a position as imam for a small town in the boonies. Hilarity ensues. Well, not so much hilarity as a few chuckles. There was a big deal made about this on both sides (the CBC has been promoting the show ad nauseum, while many members of the blogosphere decided that this was pro-Muslim, anti-white folk propaganda). I reserved judgement until I saw it.

Now that I have seen it, well, it's a mixed bag. It had its moments. It wasn't rip-roaringly funny. Of course, I only saw the one episode. But here's my take:

On the plus side: the woman behind the series seems to genuinely try to show that many Muslims have a sense of humor. Well, in a group of over a billion people, I sincerely hope there are some Muslims who have a sense of humor. As a matter of fact, Lewis Black's one comment from a recent stand-up act that really resonated with me was that the extremists who are calling for jihad clearly have no sense of humor. And, when that happens, things go... awry. (Classic Lewis Black understatement there.) She also has a very Archie Bunker character in the older Muslim man. He is clearly not down with the Infidels. But it's genius to show him as a bigot, for that's what he is.

On the negative side: it doesn't come across as very brave. Perhaps that will change as time goes on. Plus there are a couple of characters who seem less Canadian than seriously right wing American. Also, I'm pretty sure that not every single person in a small town is (ahem) slow. Although, I'm a city slicker, so what do I know?

I'm still kind of reserving judgement. Hopefully they will grow into the concept.

I have a theory that the reason Muslims haven't had much of a sense of humor is because so many comedians are Jewish, so laughing at them would be haram.

But life is much too short to not laugh at each other and ourselves.

I knew it!

For years The Clam has accused me of being a conspiracy theorist, but it is blatantly obvious that our "neighboUrs to the north" are planning evil against us, as postulated in the only intentionally funny Michael Moore movie ever, Canadian Bacon. They are amassing on our borders, poised to attack! And now, they are bugging our money!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,243018,00.html

And before you say it, first of all Fox IS fair and balanced, as long as you aren't some GD tree-hugging hippie. Plus I have seen this article in other places, including yahoo and cnn.

Ok, folks, relax. I don't seriously think the Canadian government is plotting against us. After all, Stephen Harper is the most conservative prime minister they have had in my lifetime! That dog don't hunt.

Cafe au lait update

So yesterday I had about 4 oz worth of milk left in my little container. Since I don't go straight home from work on Tuesdays, I left it in the fridge. However, knowing that 1 cup of cafe au lait was not going to cut it, I brought in a second little container of milk today.

Would you believe that one of the crows from the last time questioned why I brought in a second milk container, since I already had one in the fridge?!?!?!

I'm sorry - WTF?!?!?

Since I got no feedback on this last time, I must BEG somebody to explain what this is about. Because I am seriously mystified here.

Things That Irritate Me, Part 7,297

I just have to say that it's really obnoxious when you make a joke that bombs and then you keep pushing it, even though the other person clearly wasn't amused the first 3 times. I had someone do that to me on the phone today. I answer the phone by saying "Good morning, (name of my department). May I help you?" This yobbo decides to say, "Is that Mr. (my department) or Mrs. (my department)?" First of all, I clearly sound like a girl. No one ever confuses me for a man. (Unless I have a MAJOR head cold.) But more importantly, my speech when I answer the phone is already 14 syllables, so why do I also need to add my full name? I'm the only person who answers my phone. If you want to know my name, try, "Good morning. This is Jerk O'Reilly. Who am I speaking to?" But this - well, he neatly fits into the same category as people who say, "Teehee. It's AFTERNOON!" when you say "Good morning" post meridian. You know, MORONS who have nothing better to do with their time.

So I pretend I don't get it, and he repeats it. I say, "OK. This is (the big seester). Can I help you?" (which should have rectified the situation, right?) and he says, "That was a joke." And I say, "I see. Can I help you?" and he says, "Well, you know, I was trying to make a joke, because of the way you answered the phone."

If I didn't work for a religious organization, I swear I would have hung up on him.

St. Derfel Gadarn and Pals

Now, if you don't KNOW Tim F., and you saw his responses on the "Bad Catholic" meme, you might think he is actually a computer (or Pope Benedict in disguise). But I can attest to the reality of Tim...there are those who call him...Tim. His favorite saints response really gives you an insight into the kind of encyclopedic brain that he does have (so much so that when I have any question about the Church, heresies, saints, etc., I automatically assume he can answer it. Thus, I am not only a tech stalker (of The Canuck and DJ) I am Tim's personal Church stalker. I'm a multi-stalker! (Don't be jealous, DJ and Canuck - there's plenty of stalking to go around!)

Be sure to read his "favorite saints" list. Many of these saints I have never even heard of (although I'm quite sure he didn't make them up). This will make educational reading with my trusty encyclopedia of saints. I plan to print out the list and read one a day until I have read them all. Ooh, perhaps I could pull a Diane Court and underline all the saints I look up!

According to my list, there were about 70 listed, of which I was familiar with approximately half. Not terrible, but on the other hand, it could be better.

As I have said before, it is a crying shame that I can still sing every song from the Grease soundtrack word for word, but I have no idea who St. Derfel Gadarn is.

What's a stroke feel like?!

Ahhh...Herb Tarlek. Awesome! (BTW, The Canuck informs me that after much waiting the first season of WKRP will be available April 3rd, AND the first season contains everybody's favorite episode, Turkeys Away. Hurray!)

But on to the point of my post...

OK, so here I have opened myself up for mucho humiliation by explaining (to the entire world) what a techno-moron I am. DJ and The Canuck have both been stand-up guys trying to salve my fears. Unfortunately for The Canuck, I have his number. Literally. He had the dubious privilege of talking to me for about 45 minutes (that's an hour Canadian) about various technical crap. I humbly begged him not to take out a restraining order.

So, after all the help I have received, from The Canuck and DJ, I decided to (not today, but this year) buy an iPod and become part of the earwax explosion. (I haven't looked too closely, but it seems to me that, since part of the function of earwax is to protect the ears from foreign sustances in the ear canal, well...)

Then today, I read a review of an eletronic product that said (I'm paraphrasing here) "I don't know why anyone would be dumb enough to buy an iPod, even one that plays TV shows, when for $100 more, you can have a PDA which would not only play music and TV and movies, but also have wireless internet, electronic planner, email and ebook reader!"

I am two steps away from moving to Lancaster County and buying a cow.

I seriously feel like my head is going to explode.

DJ, are you out there? If I provide you with a list of what I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO, can you turn that into something practical for me?

Somebody help - I don't WANT to learn how to churn butter!

Another Meme - this one on movies

So The Clam tagged me with another meme. I saw this one a few days ago and wasn't sure I wanted to do it, because it's a tricky one. But here goes:

Favorite Movie: See, right here it starts getting hard. I am a huge movie buff, and have seen a vast repertoire going back to the early 30s. So how do I pick 1 movie? I mean, there are certain ones which are obvious, like Casablanca, but there are many genres, and to choose just one is impossible. If I had to pick one, I would probably pick Casablanca, because it has it all: comedy, drama, romance, action, evil Nazis and rousing patriotism. Plus Humphrey Bogart, who is on my all-time dreamboat list. Plus it has an added bonus: it was kind of a B movie which got rushed through the Hollywood production line, which means that everyone involved was completely unaware they were filming a true classic. Which means it doesn't have the embarrassingly nacissistic "we're making a film for the ages" feeling that Gone with the Wind seems to have. David O. Selznick put his career, his reputation and a ton of his money on the line making GWTW, and to me, it shows. And not in a good way.

Favorite Movie With A Religious Theme: Well, I do have a weakness for the gentleness of golden-era Hollywood when it comes to this stuff. I mean, The Exorcist is a great film, which actually touches on the demonic, so that's pretty cool. But I tend to prefer 2 specific sub-genres: the religious biography (hagiography?) which would include fairly recent films about Bernadette of Lourdes (as well as the classic with Jennifer Jones) and Therese of Lisieux, and the old classic Miracle of Our Lady of Fatima. The other sub-genre would be general fiction, like Going My Way and The Bells of St. Mary's, both with Bing Crosby, Come to the Stable with Loretta Young and Celeste Holm, etc. So, with that said, I'm going to throw a complete curve ball and say The Passion of the Christ. Simply the best religious movie made in a loooong time.

Favorite Movie Priest: I would have to go with either Max von Sydow in The Exorcist (what a great role) or Ward Bond in The Quiet Man, because he showed a priest as a human being, a real man, not a wimpy David Niven type guy.

Favorite Movie Nun: Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story. It was a very moving film for me.

HOW ABOUT THIS:

LEAST favorite movie with a religious theme: A lot of contenders for this one. The DVC is an obvious choice, but fairly shallow, as is Priest, and The Last Temptation of Christ. How about Brother Sun, Sister Moon, the movie which has inextribly linked St. Francis with hippies (which he would have HATED!)

LEAST favorite priest: Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds.

LEAST favorite nun: Deborah Kerr in Black Narcissus. Weird.

On New Year's Resolutions

Heather Mallick of the Globe & Mail has posted an article on CBC.ca about her New Year's resolutions which I found to be quite funny and apt. Here's a link: http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_mallick/20070101.html

What originally caught my attention was the word "Corrie" in the first resolution - she was speaking about a Corrie Play. At first I got very excited, because I thought she meant Coronation Street, which I love (there's a post way back in November about how much I love it and why). After reading the paragraph though, I somehow don't think that's what she's referring to. Incidentally, The Clam is indignant when I speak of "Corrie", because to her mind "Corrie" should refer to Corrie ten Boom, the Dutch woman who helped hide many Jews during WW2 and who spent the rest of her life traveling the world preaching forgiveness. Her seminal work is Tramp for the Lord, but there are others. However, I cannot help what people have been calling Coronation Street since before I was born. (BTW, "tramp" as used by Corrie ten Boom refers to a hobo, not as in "that's why the lady is a...")

Aaaannnnyway, back to Heather Mallick and the resolutions. The paragraph that I really liked was this:

I will trade in the Toyota Camry for a small, highly fuel-efficient Toyota Yaris, which I will then shun like theatre, taking the bus and subway whenever possible. I will plant birch trees in my back garden and replace the dead rhododendrons with plants that dislike water, positively loathe the stuff. I will take the train to Ottawa rather than fly. Even better, I will not go to Ottawa. My carbon footprint will be a size 4.

My carbon footprint will be a size 4. Brilliant! See, I don't know this chick, but I think she and I would be galpals if I did. She really captures my own issues with life on this planet - I am aware and I know that bad things are going on, but I feel fairly powerless to do anything about it, but I will strive for perfectionism as much as I can, and then feel bad about it when I fail. We Catholics have a great word for that: scrupulosity. I tend to have big issues with scrupulosity. I think there is definitely such a thing as secular scrupulosity: environmental scrupulosity, diet scrupulosity etc.

Anyway, check out the article and tell me if it struck you as funny as it struck me.

Is it just me, or does this year stink?

People are really cheesing me off this year. That's right - 4 days in and I'm ready to holler "Do Over!"

First, yesterday on the bus, I am minding my own business and reading a fascinating article about the Pushtunwali in The Economist when I hear, "PSSSST. Lady! LADY!" I realize that some jerk on the bus is trying to get my attention. As I look up from the magazine, he WHISTLES at me. Now, I don't mean a wolf whistle (not that that would be any better). I mean the kind of whistling you do to get your dog to come back. I stare at him, appalled, and he says, "What time is it?" OK. Wow. First of all, buy a watch. Second of all, we just passed the stupid Blue Cross billboard which displays the time and temperature. Third, ask the person sitting next to you. What, because she's black you think she can't tell time? Or ask the person sitting in front of you, or behind you, or across the aisle from you. One of these people must surely have a watch or a cell phone. I cannot be the only person on the bus who has a time-telling instrument. But it is not necessary to holler across 4 rows to ask me. Plus I'm not even wearing a watch. (It needs a new battery, and nothing on earth could induce me to go buy one from Walmart in December.) So I sit there, flabbergasted, trying to come up with a withering response to being whistled at like Lassie, without explaining to this a-hole why I'm not wearing a watch, when someone else (because yes, everyone on the bus was a witness to this) tells him what time it is.

Then I come into work and have the lovely interrogation about my coffee (see yesterday's big gripe below).

So I think, wow. Yesterday was a bad day. Maybe there's a full moon. (Turns out there was, or at least it was close to full.)

Then today I go into work and make some toast in the kitchen to have with my cafe au lait. (Yes, I know, I should eat breakfast at home, but I took a sleeping pill last night, so trust me, there wasn't time. And YES, I DID shower today. But I didn't have time for much else!)

Anyway, I pull my toast out of the toaster and a co-worker (not one of the crows from yesterday) says, "Well, that toast isn't even TOASTED!"

ARGH! LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!

DO OVER!!!!

A New Meme - How Bad a Catholic Am I?

A New Meme that’s out there – I don’t wait to get tagged – I do the tagging!

Now you can all see why I’m such a bad Catholic, and why I consider myself in good company with Francisco Marto. Go ahead. Judge me. I deserve it. (Wow – you’d never know I wasn’t a cradle Catholic, would you? I’ve got the guilt thing NAILED. I hope there’s extra credit for that on Judgment Day!)

1. Favorite devotion or prayer to Jesus. The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. Faster than saying a Rosary, too!
2. Favorite Marian devotion or prayer. Well, I have a couple: The Hail Mary is a classic which cannot be understated, but I also love the Memorare. I also love the Rosary (except that my ADD comes out to play during the Rosary. I’m fine for the first couple of mysteries, and then things go awry.)
3. Do you wear a scapular or medal? Oh boy. Not at the moment. I usually always wear a 5-way medal, but … well, it’s a looong story. Suffice it to say that I own two 5-way medals, neither of which I can wear at the moment. I also have a St. Philomena cord to wear around my waist, and a “brown scapular” (OL of Mt. Carmel). I stopped wearing them when it got really hot last summer. I should start wearing them again. (I know, I know, if I think it’s hot HERE, just wait until I burn in Hell for not wearing that brown scapular.)
4. Do you have holy water in your home? No. It never occurred to me to keep it in a bottle. I was picturing the cats deciding that the Holy Water tasted better than their water, and conspiring to get it out of the font By Any Means Necessary (which would by definition be destructive). Sometimes I’m not very smart. I’ll have to get a holy water bottle the next time I’m in the Catholic Supply Store, and get some. On a related note, I have Holy Oil from St. Philomena. So THERE!
5. Do you "offer up" your sufferings? Yes, when I think of it before I open my mouth to start grumbling.
6. Do you observe First Fridays and First Saturdays? Ahem. Well, yes and no. Have I observed them? Yes. Have I observed them the requisite number of times for it to count towards my eternal salvation? No. Which is not to say that going has been wasted, but still. (Clam, I know you’re going to ask, so the answer is 9 in a row for Fridays, 5 in a row for Saturdays.)
7. Do you go to Eucharistic Adoration? How Frequently? Yes, but not regularly. See above comment about ADD. (Which I don’t actually have, but you’d never know it sitting next to me in the chapel.)
8. Are you a Saturday evening Mass person or a Sunday morning Mass person? It kind of depends. I like to go Saturday afternoon when I can, because then it’s done, and no matter how tired I am or how badly I feel on Sunday morning, I know I’ve done it. On the other hand, I ALWAYS feel like a slacker not going Sunday morning, even when I already went on Saturday.
9. Do you say prayers at mealtime? Usually.
10. Favorite saints: Well, of course the BVM and Joseph. But also I really dig the Desert Fathers (any hermit monk is pretty cool) and St. Mary of Egypt, the penitent. I’m also quite keen on the Virgin Martyrs (see earlier post about St. Cecilia, but also Agnes, Agatha, etc. A woman who can buck the trends of popular culture about sex is a strong woman indeed!) I’m also very into Faustina Kowalska, and am developing quite a fondness for Edith Stein, thanks to The Clam. Plus Francis and Clare, and Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross, and Therese of Lisieux (I have a split personality – I cannot decide between Secular Franciscans and Secular Discalced Carmelites). Also the visionaries: Bernadette, Catherine Laboure, etc. Which would bring me to not-yet certified saints Lucia, Francisco and Jacinta (from Fatima). Other saints-in-waiting I’m quite fond of are Mother Teresa, Solanus Casey and Fulton Sheen.

And how can I forget St. Philomena, the Wonder Worker? There are others. I will feel bad about this later, because I will realize I’ve forgotten some favorites!
11. Can you recite the Apostles' Creed by heart? Yes. And the Nicene Creed. Buuuuuttt… I always blurp a little, because I tend to mentally switch back and forth… so I forget to say Jesus descended to Hell before “and on the third day He rose again.” And it doesn’t matter that I know both. It happens EVERY time. There are a couple of places I ALWAYS screw up. And I’ve been reciting the Creed for 30 years – we recited it in the Episcopal Church, and my Grandma’s Congregational Church, and when I went to Mass as a child, and at the Lutheran Churches I have attended (always with an asterisk next to “Catholic”)
12. Do you usually say short prayers (aspirations) during the course of the day? Yes. Often very short aspirations, like God help me, or Lord help me. I think sometimes people think I’m being blasphemous, but I’m not. If I say it, I mean it.
13. Bonus Question: When you pass by an automobile accident or other serious mishap, do you say a quick prayer for the folks involved? Yes. I also thank God and my Guardian Angel for watching over me.

Added bonus question: Have you named your Guardian Angel?

And now, I tag: The Clam, The Canuck, Catholic Wife and Mother, DJ, and Tim F (if you’re out there!)

Cafe au Lait, and the consequences thereof

I drink my coffee "cafe au lait" style, which means I fill my mug halfway with milk, microwave it until it's hot, and then top it off with 1/2 cup of coffee. (Yes, I'm sure if I was drinking coffee on the banks of the Seine, that's not EXACTLY how Jean-Pierre would do it, but I am, after all, an American, so ... pffft!) This is the ONLY way I can drink coffee at work, because, like most workplaces in these United States, we have a piece of crap Bunn coffeemaker, which burns the bejeebers out of the coffee, rendering it horrible. So every day I carry a little pint-sized container with milk in it to work. I make 4 cups of cafe au lait during the am. I figure this is a pretty good thing, because:

1. I need my coffee, so I will drink it and don't tell me about decaf!
2. This way, I'm actually only drinking 2 cups of coffee, since half of what I'm drinking is milk
3. I'm getting a pint of milk, which is a calcium boon, plus has protein and vitamins A & D
4. I recently switched from 1% milk to 1/2% milk, which only has 1 gram of fat, so it's pretty darn healthy (I can't remember if it's 90 cals or 100 cals, but it's pretty good health-wise)

Great, you're saying. Bully for you, Big Seester. Why should I care?

EXCELLENT question. So explain to me why two of my co-workers decided today to give me the third degree about my coffee drinking habits.

Woman 1: Do you drink ALL THAT MILK every day?
Me (slightly taken aback, but because I haven't had my coffee yet, playing along): Yes.
Woman 1: Why?
Me: (I explain generally how I take my coffee.)
Woman 2: You drink FOUR CUPS OF COFFEE EVERY DAY?
Me (now officially getting irritated): Um, no - I drink 2 cups of coffee, and 2 cups of milk.
Woman 1: Well, if that's how you LIKE to do it...
Me: (makes a hasty exit from the kitchen with my cafe au lait before I say something I will regret)

Now, I have pondered this all morning. What in the name of mike was going on there? I mean, first of all, I have worked here for a while now, so it's not like this is a new thing. Switching to 1/2% milk is a new thing, but you can't tell what kind of milk it is just by looking at it. So there's that. Then there's the whole, oh I don't know, IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS HOW I DRINK MY COFFEE thing. And here's the part that tees me off so much: even though I have definite opinions about food and so forth, I don't spew them onto other people (except of course here, and to family members and close friends). I would never dream of looking at Woman 1 and saying, "I can't believe you are putting that powdered artificial creamer in your coffee - it's not even FOOD!" (even though it ISN'T food, and the concept that anyone in this day and age would use that crap appalls me). I wouldn't even dream of saying to Woman 2, as she heads downstairs to take another smoke break, "I cannot believe you're going to smoke another cigarette!" (even though it is unquestionably bad for her, and she hacks so loud you can hear it across our entire floor). My feeling is, "It is none of my business if these women want to make choices I disagree with. They make the choices they see fit to, and I make the choices I see fit to, and that's that. We're all grown-ups here."

So what gives? Will someone explain it to me, PLEASE?! Because I don't understand! I don't get why cafe au lait would even BE a bad choice, much less one so bad that other people feel the need to provide their input...

Oh goody!

Something to look forward to: "Iran vows to humiliate U.S."

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/01/02/iran.nuclear.ap/index.html

Well, he clearly didn't hear John Lennon's Christmas song enough times over the past 2 months.

Look at the picture of President Ihavalonglastname really closely. Who does he remind you of?

Short guy, dark suit, giving to RANTING into microphones...do you see it?

It's Dennis Miller with a tan and a haircut!

Wow. I guess we should have watched his MSNBC news show, huh?

A Tribute to President Ford

A haiku. Just kidding. A limerick about President Ford. It's NOT mine. I just happened to memorize it years ago and it stuck. I have no idea who wrote it, but it came from a book of political limericks.

In the days of mild Gerry Ford
Decorum and calm were restored.
He did nothing hateful
For which we were grateful
And terribly, terribly bored.

As I have said for years, my mind is a vast warehouse of totally useless information. Except that today, that bit was useful. Hurray!

Happy New Year!

OK, so the LAST post was supposed to be the New Year's post, but then it devolved into something different. That's kind of the way my brain works.

Anyway, I'm not going to post my New Year's Resolutions, because they are personal, except for the following:

It is my goal to buy a home (well, a condo) in 2007. I will be a first time buyer, and am excited and more than a little scared. But I am SOOOOO sick of renting I could scream, and if the Baby Sister can do it, by gum I can do it too!

So I'm palling up to St. Joseph, because he knows about these things, and if you remember, a little prayer wouldn't go amiss.

I'll keep you all POSTED!! (Hahaha - what a clever pun!)

Visualize World Peace

Well, another year has come along. Of course, we all know (because John Lennon told us so) that War Is Over (If You Want It), so I feel confident that this year will be the year we finally get that elusive World Peace. Won't that be nice?

One of the myriad nobbly weird streams of consciousness I have had is about the philosophical difference between the Right and the Left in terms of how to GET world peace. Lefties seem to think that world peace will come if enough people put a bumper sticker declaring their desire for it on their cars and those of us on the Right pray for it, usually when Father mentions it during the Prayers of the Faithful.

I actually know how to achieve World Peace, but it involves removing the other 5 billion people from the planet. (Which I'm pretty sure would mean me spending a looooong time in Purgatory. Plus then my glasses would break and there would be nobody to fix them. I loved that episode of the Twilight Zone!) But it would be peaceful. Otherwise, as long as there are people to fight with, well, we're just going to do it. Think about it. Even when you're sitting on your third of the back seat of the Toyota Corolla, minding your own business, one of your siblings just has to start air-poking you and saying, "Not touching - can't get mad!" So you smack them, and it escalates from there.

I really have no idea why this is such a difficult concept for some people to grasp - perhaps they were only children?

I will keep praying for it. However, if my understanding of the Church's theology is correct, world peace will only come as part of the end of the world, which in my book is not good. I'm not ready for the world to end. Like little Francisco Marto, I have many rosaries I must say before I die. I need a few more decades in which to become the kind of person God might want to have around.

So, like St. Augustine, I must pray for deferred gratification.

Triumph of the Will

Hardee har har. I was actually going to call the post Veni, Vidi, Vici, but that isn't entirely accurate.

This is a post about will power, and not succumbing to the mood of the general population and stuffing one's face over the Christmas season. Because this year, I was mostly successful. I can't say Vici though, because I don't think you ever completely conquer the vast quantity of temptations which abound in our culture. Over the last few days, as I was pondering the post, that was my working title. But then I came into work today, and found the following in the kitchen:

1. half of a cake
2. homemade fudge
3. a box of Jelly Bellies (because nothing says Christmas like Easter candy)
4. half a loaf of some kind of Christmas bread

I think that's it, but to be honest, I was trying not to look too hard. Now, keep in mind that this stuff wasn't there before the holiday. This is stuff people brought in from home today. So you see, you don't "conquer" it - you just keep making choices which hopefully don't add to your bulge.

However, I was able to steer my vessel safely through the waters during December, with one or two exceptions. Dad's homemade cinnamon rolls on Christmas Day (I had 2!) and 1 packet of gourmet cocoa. Oh, and Stollen, but I knew that was coming. That will have its own post eventually.

All in all, I'm pretty proud of myself. Of course, we will have a minimum of 2 birthday celebrations in January, at least one of which wil involve dessert (I know because I'm making it).

Ah well. As Roseanne Rosannadanna used to say, "It's always something!"

Here's hoping that will power is like a muscle, and the more it gets used, the stronger it gets.